My Beautiful Memories

THINK.LOVE.YOU

2011-01-30T13:27:00.004+08:00

Thanks for entering my life (:

Lucky me...
To have met him was like the first day of my life.
To have found him was like a new start in life.

To call his name was like a thrill in my blood.

To find him around is a blessing in the day.

To know him is like a paleontologist discover the entire collection of bones.

To hear him talk is like words dipped into the sweetest honey.

To witness his smile is like my eyes are blinded by my love for him.

To see him down is to make myself fear to tear.

To love him is like the best present that has ever been given to me,

not too late to begin, just too early to end, too many wrong timings and fates that finally crossed paths.

Still, his presence is a god-sent gift to me.

Lucky me...

❤ P.S. I want to fall in love with you.

FLY HIGH

2010-10-19T19:38:00.004+08:00

Where had my first love gone?
Has it arrived?
Was it over?
I'll be waiting, waiting for you to come to me.

Feeling like never before - carefree~ Promotional examinations are over, although there is a high risk of being retained (like seriously). I've been going out for fun every single day, indulging in movies, ice-cream and good food with the right friends. AWESOME!

Soon, it'd time to study hard for the retests because it is highly-likely that I'd have to go for it. Of course, I still hope I wouldn't have to so that I can spend more time having a whole ball of fun! ^^ I'm not going to blog anytime soon (: Just thought you should know, like there is anyone at all in the first place.

J.
*Time waits for no one - 穿越时空的少女

Family

2010-07-31T21:08:00.005+08:00

Let's make the best out of every moment, together ❤

A Strange Reason

I don’t like 30/10 for being too compartmentalised.

I don’t like 30/10 for being too uncooperative.

I don’t like 30/10 as a mugger class.

I don’t like 30/10’s teachers.

I don’t like 30/10 for being unresponsive.

But I still look forward to going to school to be with 30/10.

Despite all these things I don’t like about 30/10,

I love it that they are my family.

And once, I wonder why,

But now, I know why (:

Thanks peeps, for being there when I need you all.

[Xue Miao & Hui Shan & Jing Jie & Martin]

Thanks for taking in such a stupid, blur and boring person like me (:

[Shu Hui & You Shuang & Jia Lin & Xing Juan & Shu Qing]

Most of all, thanks for being my friend <3

himdeuro...

2010-07-31T20:57:00.005+08:00

Desperation

I’m on a bullet train, zooming to who knows where. I know term 3 is going to pass by in a battle of an eyelid. But I’m still in this partying mood, which is strange because I did pretty badly for my mid-year common tests. There are good things that happen to me still (: and there are good people moving along with me too ❤ and there are fun times to pass by too (x

I shook off some irritating problems, settled some and took on some heavy responsibilities. I got myself a good bunch of friends and I also got to love guitar much more (okay, maybe just a little). I had many nice moments with my classmates, especially the movies! HAHA

I shall work hard despite my dreams being dashed. Where should I go to next? What should I aim for then? Who should I aspire to be?

J.
*The broken glass and the fallen leaf.

행복한 하루 (Happy Day)

2010-07-12T18:21:00.005+08:00

GO SPAIN~

Honestly, I was supporting Brazil at first but since it was kicked out, and BABY supports Spain, I might as well go and back Spain. SO DAMN GLAD THAT SPAIN WON! I slept at 2.30am last night so I relied on MingJing, my soccer news reporter to tell me the 赛况. (x I was pretty tired today but because of Spain's victory, I couldn't sleep during lectures and tutorials today! HAHA which was a change for a start because most of the times it was me trying to stay awake but failing to do so. :D When I first got the news, I was on my way to school on the bus. So overwhelmed by Spain's victory, I kind of softly muttered "YES!". LOL I saw some people staring at me after I regained my composure. In addition, I'm much happier to see Baby on cloud nine over the victory!

Oh yeah lets come to the results part. Hmm Biology examination results were the most shocking of all. Didn't expect myself to pass because I didnt study DNA & Genomics as well as Genomes in Bacteria. So technically, I didn't do the questions testing on these two chapters, which actually took up quite a big portion. Guess I was lucky but there's this person who kept irritating me with his/her results. Pretty pissed I was actually. Well then, I failed those that I expected them to. Contented with General Paper :D. Fortunate with Maths, considering that I left so many blanks, yet I could still obtain a subpass. Thanks for answering my 'prayers', my 'God'. But "until I become good in everything, I won't be satisfied". HAHA Congrats to those who did well and keep on working hard. For those who didn't, smile still because this is not the end. Of course, you'll rather fail now than failing in the Alevels, right? ^^ AJA AJA FIGHTING!

*我的这股霉气从几何时因为遇见你而开始?

**To someone, will you stop pitting yourself against me and roll your eyes everytime you've lost? Face it. You're not my match. Your sportsmanship will NEVER win.

BABY~

2010-06-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

LOVE YOU, BABY!

My June is over...

2010-06-18T16:00:00.005+08:00

If I turn back, will you still be there?

I don't know for sure, but you can count on me.

I'll be there, whenever and wherever you need me.

내 첫 B.F.F:

I've known you since forever, you've been always on my mind, and you were my best friend. These years we've barely talked, but those moments we had together filled up those lonely days. I don't know if you still think of me as your BFF though. I can't ever tell what you're thinking. I wonder if you miss me. But no matter what, you'll still be on my mind.

Love and Kisses, J.
Happy Birthday, my June.

My story

2010-06-04T22:04:00.005+08:00

Let love take flight...

My life is like the airport, many planes flying in and out, passengers checking in and out.

My love life is like the runway track, waiting for planes to arrive and helplessly see planes depart.

My love is like the aeroplane, going on my route.

I pass by so many airports, where passengers board and alight; waiting for the right passenger to board my plane and stay with me till the end. I’m waiting for the passenger, no matter what class the passenger is sitting in, that appreciates the flight forever, and my hard work in soaring through the skies. I saw one come on my ride, and stayed longer than the rest of the passengers. Maybe he is the one. But he alighted at the next country.

Now, how long do I have to wait to meet the one?

Which passenger would it be?

Day out with Fel!

2010-06-01T19:32:00.000+08:00

Maybe what I need is a good cry to start afresh.

Yesterday went well. ^^ Woke up at eleven plus. Scampered about the house in search for misplaced stuff, bathed an hour long and happily went to meet dear. How unfortunately, it started drizzling the moment I set foot into the house. Poured till 5 something, so that means no basketball at the courts.

Started studying chemistry together, chatted and kept getting off track :P Then I got really hungry so I was worming about, waiting for dear to finish reading the chemistry notes. Then we shared two packets of maggie mee ^^ I gulped it down while watching Little Nyonya. I was really famished because SOMEONE took ages to finish the notes so I waited for one to two hours just for my 'tea break'. HAHA we played a little of basketball though, on the porch. Surprisingly, it was not tiring at all. Some good exercise to digest away all my guilt for eating a lot of maggie mee yesterday :/ LOL then I tried playing romance d'amour on the piano but the pitch had gone awry. I helped dear to devise a studying plan that is relatively similar to mine. So we can work hard together. AHH then came the time to say goodbye. )): goodbyes were always hard to bear with, especially those with dear. It was around 9pm already, then I set off for the bus stop. Then suddenly at the junction, dear came running towards me to pass me my purse :O Luckily dear was observant enough to see it in my bag (that kept my basketball). PHEW or else I'd have to walk back to get it, which means getting past the neighbours' aggressive dogs. HAHAHA thanks!

Whoo got home and watched toy story1 with my sister with a lot of snacks infront of us. Bet I gained a quater of a kilogram by the end of the movie. HAHA just kidding. That's about it. Bye

J.

*less-than-three!

Reminiscence

2010-05-30T23:38:00.004+08:00

If only love could be that simple...

Holidays are here, like finally. But it leaves me with less than a month to my mid-year examinations. The saddest thing about the exams is that it starts on dear's birthday. But we can't help it )':

Many told me that I look kind of depressed or dispirited for the past few weeks. Do I? I guess I am just worn out by all the stress, afterall all my tests results are demoralizing. How I wish the failures will galvanize me to mug throughout the whole holidays, but it seems like that wouldn't be possible.

I'm going to dear's house tomorrow, and maybe play a bit of basketball. ^^ Can't wait! BYE~

J.

SAVE THE EARTH

2010-05-23T11:36:00.002+08:00

Protect, or watch it melt.

I’ve just watched Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient truth”. The facts pricks my conscience from within so painfully that I can no longer feign ignorance and neglect the upcoming consequences that we will face in the next few decades to come.

Take a look at the problem of rising sea levels. Melting icecaps, disappearing glaciers, loss of habitable land, increase in refugees. Where do they go? What should we do? Maybe in years to come, all in sight would be buried under water. Well, you could be worried, but do nothing. Sit and wait for the government to put in place policies. But do remember that those policies can only serve to nullify the effects caused by environmental problems. Do they eliminate the root of the problem? No, they don’t. In years to come, Singapore, a low lying country, could face serious problems posed by the rising sea levels. We should not take for granted that all we have is still safe.

All we are doing now, all these air pollution that causes global warming, will validate all the security we enjoy now. Instead of placing attention and focusing on political matters, we should put our sights on environmental issues that will eventually destroy fundamentally all life on earth. The dangers that will surface in time to come will cause planetary effects. Take up individual responsibility now.

We are in the era of consequences. Today, we get the direct implications of human actions throughout the many generations on the environment. We cannot shake off the responsibility because we are to blame too. If we do not take action, who will? “Humanity already possesses the fundamental scientific, technical and industrial know-how to solve the carbon and climate problems.” We already know everything we need to know to effectively address the problem of global warming. It just takes the willingness to cooperate, be it individually, organisationally, or nationally. Electricity end-use efficiency, other end-use efficiency, passenger vehicle efficiency, other transport efficiency, renewable(s), CCS & supply efficiency. All these, mentioned by Al Gore, can help reduce the carbon emissions globally. It just takes, political will, for all these to happen and for a reversible change in the environmental situation, from now back to the 1970s. Everyone is a cause of global warming and it only takes the will to change, to put an end to this. Let us all wake up and do something to protect our only home, to change our way of living. The climate crisis CAN be solved. It only can, if you and I put our hearts into making it happen.

SPEEEEECH DAYYY~

2010-04-30T23:47:00.001+08:00

Photos.Life.Love.Memories.

Speech Day!

The ceremony was 90% painful and tormenting and 10% fun. The date with dear after that was 99.9% lovely, plus 0.1% tiring. Hahaha tell you why later.

Weijia, Eunice, Yeeling, Chinchye, Zanxin, Jesslyn, Xiu Huan went back to NanHua together. Hmm I might have forgotten who else came with us but sorry! I am typing this on 2 June. :O We mrted back excitedly, then some went to get their SGC at the GO. I meet Yinkar and Jiaen, Tinghuan too! Super warming to see them again, after soooo long. (:

Haha we went up to the hall for the prize giving ceremony. But it was boring. XiuHuan, Eunice, WeiJia and I sat together. Then we caught up with some old friends. XiuHuan, Eunice and I escaped to tour around the campus in the middle of the ceremony because the speeches were dead boring. We went to the basketball courts, and the fitness corner. Then we talked about the tormenting AJC napfa test. We did inclined pull ups together, trying to help Eunice in her IPU. Then we made a Ji Nian Ping at the sand pit. Took a photo of it too ^^

Haha then we strolled back to see the awards ceremony. I only cheered for those whom I knew, or those who really deserved my claps. LOL I can't possible clap for everyone, though I very much wanted to but if I did, my palms would swell. Oh yeah it was 90% saddening because it was my dream to go up the stage but well I can only say: Dream on man. Then we celebrated YiXie's belated birthday~ HAHA and I took photos with YanTing and Fel!

After the ceremony, Fel and I went to JP! HAHA Ate our usual, LONG JOHN SILVER'S, chatted and then walked around. We must have walked at least three times back and forth from Popular to Harris because we were in search of a notebook and a file. We were indecisive, which explains the 0.1% tire. But in the end, only I bought something. A notebook that is long and pink (must have remembered that I hated pink but well I'm trying to like it). Hahaha and I bought it before popular was about to close. So you should have guessed how late it was already. Had a hard departure because it's going to be another month before we can meet again. ):

It was really fun though. LOVE TODAY! <3

BUSY LIFE...

2010-04-28T21:27:00.008+08:00

I wish I'd know, the colours of you and me, because the signals are too blur...

House visits to Mingjing's house, Hazel's house, my house; Guitar competition; Guitar EXCO interview; Upcoming Guitar performance; Guitar practices; Lecture tests; PI and GPP deadlines; NAPFA. All these either weigh me down or bring life to me. I apologise for not updating. You see, I've been preoccupied by all these, and I barely have the time to sit down and have a cup of tea. HAHA but life is infinitely getting better. The company of my friends, pleasure of accomplishing yet another task are cheering me up, though relationship problems are getting on my nerves. I'd never known that I can cry over one text message, one that pricked my soul. Could it possibly be for my own good? Its never always the case...

House visits were fun. But generally unproductive. I love it still, because spending time with my favourite people is always pleasurable. AH I shouldn't be blogging here. I should be studying. ): but since when have I been mugging since I came to AJ? *sighs* Its time to think why my recent results are reflecting badly on me.

To someone, I don't complain about IT. I was just telling you. Why are you making a mountain out of a molehill? I don't quite see the reason why. But anyway, I've changed. Maybe we are just the same. Never better.

P.S. Congrats to bulldog for doing your owner proud ^^v

*Maybe if I was shortsighted, I wouldn't read too much into your actions. And maybe by then, everything will become clear. Then I'll see if together, we will be.

Tic Tok. just another update.

2010-03-29T20:53:00.003+08:00

Then the world falls asleep… Just like mine, ever so quietly.

Earth hour is over again and I’ve missed it AGAIN. Gah~ I wanted so much to participate in it but I forgot and went out. I went to stay over at my sister’s dormitory, which was infested with flies, spiders and other insects. But it was extremely conducive and my mugging was productive. I finally managed to have some catching up with my sister.

Anyway, BOOS to this year’s project work questions. “Amalgamation” is crap! But most probably I’d be doing that instead of “Alternatives”. This week was hectic to the max! I had cheerleading everyday besides guitar. And I had PW GP and Biology presentation, all in the same week. Friday was the happiest day of the week. PUMA cheerleading clinched 3rd! Thank you to those who think that PUMA cheerleaders deserve the first. It was really touching to hear that. ^^ Three cheers to PUMA cheerleaders, Phylls and Abhi! HAHAHA if it’s not for the effort each and everyone put in, 3rd would be impossible. The determination we had, to dance for Hazel was really touching. Love you cheerleaders! &&& HAZEL TOO! Now that I look back and I see the drastic improvement we made, I feel so satisfied and proud to be part of PUMA CHEERLEADING family. I’d never regret joining cheerleading and hope you all think the same way as I do! Lastly, good job and I love you all! xD See you all on friday!

J.
-PUMA CHEERLEADERS, YOU GONNA KEEP ROCKING MY WORLD-

This is it.

2010-03-12T23:16:00.002+08:00

Think.Love.You

Days pass by so quickly when I was blinded by the blurred vision before me. Every day is a bore; even going to school was a chore.

My energy level was drooping so dangerously low that I wasn’t bothered to talk. I was too tired to even open my eyes, lest communicate. Worst, I have to tolerate the face of the people I detest, and fortunately for me, there are people who share my feelings. Only guitar and cheerleading managed to bring back life into me. Actually I am starting to like my class more because the people in the same project groups as me are really nice people and we have so many similarities. There were administrative work like Council nomination, house activities like the dance competition, tests and due homework. All these laid me down with a lot of stress. I got pissed off during the council nomination but I should forget about it. I just felt extremely upset, just like Ming Jing did, when someone says something untrue about a friend I cherish a lot. And I am not kidding about being extremely upset. I was depressed to the max. Fine let’s change the topic. There is this person who stays in mind so persistently that I can’t wave the images of that person off. I am trying very hard but it is so difficult to focus on something else. I am plunging head first down to the ground. I know I will hurt myself but I can’t do anything about it. You get that feeling? But thank goodness, when I am in studying mode, I can totally forgo those disturbing thoughts. Yeah, so…

My sister is going to stay in the hall for the next two months from next week onwards, which is equivalent to no access to the laptop, my music library and the internet, which in a deeper sense, means that the only thing I can do for the next week is MUG. But I don’t think I will be able to do so mostly because of cheerleading and numerous group projects. I miss dear, but I have so much work to juggle that I can hardly squeeze time for her. I will try though! I am going to teach my neighbour guitar, which is a stupid idea because I am not good in it. I must look ghastly these days because the sleep I got these days doesn’t suffice. But never mind, holidays are here and ‘fun’ is here to stay! Shu Hui and I are suffering from minor depression stemmed from stress, and mine partly due to my longing for Parma. Thankfully, last Sunday Gena, Garald and I went to Bishan library to study together. It was a whole lot of fun. ^^ We ate lunch together than stoned around in the arcade. I hope there would be more of such small gatherings!

I missed out all the fun this year – AJ Chinese New Year celebrations, NH Chinese New Year celebrations, 406 CNY trip to Benny’s house, AJ Idol, cheerleading practices, Eunice’s surprise birthday celebration and many more. Furthermore, I am sick again, which is the third time I’m sick since school started. People say it is due to stress, but I postulate that I do have good stress management, so that shouldn’t be the case. And I am pissed off by my mum. She doesn’t want to buy an mp4 for me when she knows that I will have absolutely no songs to listen to when my sister takes the laptop away. My sister and I tried to persuade her, saying it is an advanced birthday present for me but she just doesn’t give a damn. Sorry for the word but I am so ticked off. What’s her problem? I don’t ask for things normally, and more often than not, I save up for the things I want. Can’t she just give me the nod just once? I even offered to pay for the mp4 but she says “it is not important”. Duh of course I know it is not important but I work pretty hard, I don’t give her screwed up results, so can’t she just reward me for once? All she ever did was to say “well done” after I got my O-level results. She doesn’t even care a shit about me. Whatever, I just have to get to a consensus with my dad, because he cares about me more than my mum does. HUH.

Okay I shall stop venting my frustration with my screwed-up life here. I am going bonkers. Are you too?

See.Hate.Me

Tic. Toc. Take away the clock.

2010-02-20T16:32:00.004+08:00

Whatever I wished for…

I had a pretty hectic week with a packed schedule. There were relatively lesser lectures this week as there was admin work like meeting the PD tutors etc. Life is getting more and more depressing. Most of the time I was separated from Parma and I find it rather hard to bond with them now. Maybe I am being paranoid, but it’s like a life on an IV-drip. I’m probably suffering withdrawal symptoms when I’m forced apart from Parma. The left out feeling grows sickeningly in my guts and I hate to admit to it. The emotional stress is weighing me down, and I am getting more and more listless. I know I should get out of this but I can’t. I am stuck in a cycle of ‘emo-ing’.

Wednesday was dry in the morning, with three lectures – Maths, Economics and PW. It started to liven up in the afternoon but it was partially painful for me. Not only did I feel inferior when people say that music theory is easy, I found out that I really do have no music background or whatsoever. People used to say, “You should have sufficient knowledge about music to catch up since you are from choir”. But more often than not, they come to realise that I am a total idiot. In AJ, there were already 5 people who said that and did come to the point to discover my stupidity. It’s like an insult, just that it is an open criticism. Oh whatever. Thanks Eunice, for encouraging me! (: I felt reassured that at least someone will be able to help me music theory. After guitar, I went to J8 and ate Pastamania. It was an interesting evening ^^. Then I went home and read up a bit. Mainly stuck on the computer for hours, and playing the guitar actually. I haven’t got my own guitar yet, so currently I am using a loaned classical guitar (by courtesy of my neighbour).

Thursday was better. (: NH blues. It was just another day with three lectures – GP, Economics and Maths. I went home at 12.15 with Hong An and Rahul, and surprisingly I reached Nan Hua at 1.35pm. I was almost moved to tears when I recalled all the memories when I was going back. The path I took every day, the laughter with Felicia, Yan Ting and Vivien, the raining days where we shared umbrellas and laughed it off when we got wet on one side of our bodies. All the morning assemblies, the NDP training, the night study sessions, the mugging sessions in the library, as well as many fond memories with my classmates. I toured around the school and many more flowed back continuously. I talked to Madam Poon for awhile and when to sit at the benches at the Choir board. I was feeling very nostalgic as I reminiscence all the good and bad times I had in Nan Hua. Enough of recalling, I pulled out Mon 8th Feb ‘The Straits Times’ to read. Then Jerald came along, shocking me by appearing behind me. He came back for his NPCC training. Not exactly training, for he is already a Cadet Officer. He came back to complete his last three hours of CCA to get his CCA points. Good for him, because in that way, he can focus less on bowling. But I doubt he will. (: Back to the topic, I went to the library to see it changed so much that my hatred towards the new principal doubled. She came to Nan Hua to manage the school well, not to change the tradition and the way things work out so efficiently in Nan Hua previously. The standards of the students are getting worse, although the brightest students are in the current sec4 batch. The failure in time management is the biggest key. The addition of another round of prelims is an excellent decision, but not only must the students rush the syllabus and cramp everything together; the (many new) teachers have lesser time to train the students properly. Time must be given to let the students grasp the content fully, and having May as the dateline as the end of syllabus is not going to benefit the students in the long run. She almost ruined everything. She did changes that are unnecessary and needless to say, she is bringing the culture of her previous school into Nan Hua. I feel like telling her this: This is Nan Hua, not your home where you can change wherever part that doesn’t suit your liking. We have roots so deep that you shouldn’t change anything. Especially the morning assembly seating arrangement, it is non-beneficial to sit in that order. What good does it do? I am quite certain that one day; she will be planning to propose the uprooting of the rule for girls to tie braids. She might not be able to do that, but she may try to do so. Well if she does have that idea, the alumni will have to fight for our rights. It is a tradition passed down from generations to generations for nearly a century. It must not be lost. It is vital that we keep in mind that tying braids is not a chore, it is a part of our history, and that we have to let it go on. Okay I keep getting off-track. I spent two hours inside ‘decorating’ my newspaper, then going down to the canteen at 3.30 to meet Fel and Yan Ting, only to receive a nice warm hug from Fel. (: Missed the two of them loads. They went back for their remedial while I spent another hour in the library, trying to warm myself up. I was freezing because I stayed in there too long. We met up after that and went to choir. I think the choir sec 2s to 4s still maintained their standard. But the sec1s were pretty disastrous. Didn’t Miss Yin teach them the basics of singing like the posture, dynamics and techniques to sing first before they even learn a song for a performance? I see bad postures among the sec1s like closed feet, tensed up shoulders, resting on feet while singing. I notice bad mouth shapes, even in the sec2s to 4s. There was a song ‘Waltzing Matilda’ and I think it was really nice. I shall learn that song one day from Felicia! (: The choir teacher in charge was changed. Thank goodness, although I think Madam Yong is really good too. I unintentionally brainwashed Felicia and Vivien to come to AJC on my way home from choir at 6 something. Very little bad points actually, because I am already emotionally attached to AJC. Hmm we chatted and did some catching up on the journey. Yeah but the whole ‘Return to NH, my second home’ thing was very endearing. I will visit NH on a regular basis! ^^

Friday was the best! One lecture only – Bio. But those who took Physics had no lectures at all. In the morning there was this Safety & Security & Evacuation plan & P.E talk which I dozed off for the first half. I woke up just in time for the Evacuation Plan part. We met our PD tutor that afternoon too. My PDG – 30/10 has five NHrians including me – Shin Yi, Min Jie, Wei Jia and Adwin. Also, there are three from PARMA including me - Shu Hui & You Shuang!!! ^^ I also had a primary school friend Kuan Fei in my class now. It was really shocking. We played icebreaking games like “throwing the toy + self introduction” and “Fact or Fiction”. For the second game, we are supposed to say three statements, and one of them is a made-up one. Then the rest will have to guess which is the incorrect one. My first statement was: I abstain from KFC and MacDonald’s. 2nd: My favourite subject is Bio. 3rd: I hate dogs. Haha most of them guessed the first one. A few guessed the second. If I didn’t remember wrongly, only three people got it right. Have you guessed it? The false one is the third one because I LOVE dogs. Don’t ask me why I abstain from the two fast food restaurant. It’s a long story, people. Long story~ Wei Jia was really funny. She caught me. Her first statement was: my previous CCA was Chinese Drama Society. 2nd: I play the clarinet. 3rd: I love Burger King. HAHAS I was very certain it was the second one until she said her third. I obviously know she doesn’t like Burger Kings. But neither does she play the clarinet. So I still chose the 2nd one. In her case, there were two false ones. LOL I was in a dilemma on whether to choose the second or the third. Haha we played till 11.30am, 15mins more than the allocated time. I went for lunch with very little appetite because the butterflies in my stomach upset me. Guess why I am so nervous. Well if you got it right, good for you. I had an Alpha Programme interview and I had NEVER EVER gotten an interview before. So it was not only freaky. It was raw and very frightening. Furthermore, we were grouped together in fives. But actually I was able to mask my nervousness. I did stutter a bit but it was because I forgot the names of the performances and competitions I joined before. By the way, the question was this: Tell me more about your CCA experience and achievements in your secondary school. I was the first one to say so I just blah blah blahhed without any planning. Vomited out the technical terms and well, my structure of my answer was quite okay. But there could be lots of room for improvement if I knew I could talk even about CIP experience as well as the activities I plan or are joining in AJC. That’s what a girl in my group said. Her speech lasted for a staggering 5 minutes. Agnes was in the same group as me (: It’s kind of fateful that we came back together in the same school after 4 years. Then I realised Parama left. Hmpfs so I went to find Mrs Lim after that at 12.40. She explained to me the part about Lipids, which was taught in the lecture I missed when I was absent from school last Friday. She was really patient and clear in teaching. A good lecturer I must say. After that I sat outside the Staffroom trying my best to understand Lipids and Proteins for another two hours until Mei Chia came along at 3.30. We chatted for about 15 minutes ^^ I was really happy to get to talk to her after such a long time. Except that part of our talk depressed me. I left the school at 3.45, later than I planned to leave. So I set off! A fun evening :D and a memorable one too.

That’s all! What a long post. Haha I am having steamboat for dinner tonight with my whole family. The “RRR Kimtian” steamboat named by my uncle. Happy Chinese New Year and I hereby wish all of you a prosperous and successful year ahead! 恭喜发财!

J.

Time's up.

2010-02-10T18:49:00.002+08:00

Maybe when we drift apart, we will then see what we missed out on...

Parma is splitting up soon. But let's put in the combined effort to stick together, shall we? Even when we are in our respective PDGs, we must still stay united. I don't want us to become Hi-bye friends who lost touch, because we can be way better than that, as long as everyone tries to bond. I hope everyone would be happy and fit in into their PDGs, but also not forget the Parma where you once belong; which once shined so brightly with honour. ^^ Keep rocking on, PARMA!

These days had been pretty hectic. The lecturers flummox me by teaching at the speed of light, obfuscating me further. I am mostly in a fuddle during maths and bio lectures. The work is comprehendible for now, but not for long. I am completely appalled by my obtuseness. The lectures were dry, the work is piling up. Yet I am lackadaisically whiling time away by sleeping, eating, chatting, and not on studying. I feel guilty and disappointed, but I can't shift into full gear just yet. Everyone around me is working so hard, and I feel the pressure metamorphose into a huge monster chasing after me - I keep running forward but to nowhere. I am just running away from reality that JC life is no longer like in Secondary school. I know I should change but part of me dangles around and holds me back. I just refuse to grow up. LOL

I am running out of energy recently. I wonder if it is because of Parma, somebody, or my PDG. I can’t focus on my studies, and my mind just wanders off somewhere else, thinking repeatedly about unsettling thoughts. Maybe I should visit Lionel (: His talks always manage to lift my spirits. But get it right, I am not sick LOL. But somehow, today’s Guitar Orientation cheered me up. The seniors in guitar are funny and gregarious. It provided some kind of solace for me. But of course, I do know that not all guitar sessions are that fun. It is going to be enjoyable but serious. Back to the orientation, we played an extremely hilarious chair game, husband-and-wife and lastly, captain’s ball. My team vanquished but showed a fair bit of team spirit. I think life would be vapid if I’m not in guitar. After all, Cindy, XueMiao, Eunice, Felicia, KahMun, KahGhim, ShinYi, and maybe Garald and Abraham are in guitar. (: And oh, there are quite a handful of people with guitar background. I don’t know music theory and neither do I know how to play a music instrument, so I’d have to wend my way to successfully learn guitar. Pretty discouraged by the fact that I have to work a lot harder than the rest but I have the determination to strive on and excel in guitar. Yeah so that’s about it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOEL! (x
I am going back to Nan Hua for CNY celebrations. Are you?

J.

When I say that I love you...

2010-02-05T23:24:00.009+08:00

When I saw you in me, I just cried.

Parma, we belong together now, forever united here somehow. I got a piece of you and honestly my life would suck without you. I see our beginnings, our icebreaking, all of our laughter, all of the fun we had, the special moments, the cheering, the bonding, the togetherness in us playing repeatedly in my head and I'd turn lachrymose. I can't quite seem to stop checking back to make myself remember the memories of Parma, with me and you, because I don't want them to fray like the edges of the worn out pages where I used to write down our moments. It would all be different if any of you are not in PARMA because all of you are so unique and gregarious that each and every one of you contributed lots of fun and joy to PARMA. It was an unparalleled experience to be part of the best OG of the best alliance - Tritone, and it was unequivocally remarkable. The memories are ineffable because with you all and me included, all grey skies would brighten up. When we split, and the melancholy sinks in, I don't know what strength I am going to have to hold on. I don't want to plod through my JC1 life without my parmans lighting up my day.

I cannot convey my feelings lucidly in a lexical way. I tried to find the words but they don’t come out right. There are so many things that I want to say but I can’t express them right and they just implode in my heart. I just want you to know, that I truly love you all and I will never let you all go. When they told me you all had to go, I hear the shatter of my heart ringing in my ears. I want us to stay together, FOREVER. We might come from different places, we might have different capabilities. But now we come together as one, united and strong, to overcome all obstacles. I feel it in my adrenaline rush that we have bonded so deeply, and that nothing will ever tear us apart. Keep going, PARMA.

Here we are, seven days and seven nights of fruitful tries. I just thought that I want to let you know; that I don’t want to let all of you go because I know that my dreams would be empty from the day you all slipped away. I don’t want to wait till it’s too late to tell all of you that I love PARMA. There would be a thousand more regrets unravelling cause all that’s left has gone away and there’s nothing there for us to do. If you all were here right now, I swear, I'd tell you this; let’s just stay together forever and plan to make it till forever.

We were strangers, starting out on a journey. Never dreaming, what we’d have to go through and how our dreams would come true. Now here we are, unafraid of the future- I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with all of you. No one told me, I was going to find you all. Unexpected, what you all did to my heart. When I lost hope, you all were there to remind me that this is the start. I want to keep going on with you, parmans, and my love is like a river that I want to keep flowing. Our lives are on the same road now and it would be a forever wonderful journey. We’ll be there when the world stops turning; we’ll be there when the storm is through, in the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you.

Have you ever needed something so bad that you can’t sleep at night? Because one day I woke up and found that I’m missing you all. And my heart starts to wonder if we can maintain it this way. I love you all so much that I’d do anything to make you all understand. I closed my eyes and dreamed that you all were there. I don’t want to go on without all of you and I’d never planned to do so. Shadows are bleeding through the light where our strength and love shined so bright. And when you’re not here, I’m close to tears only because you all are always here. I really miss all of you, and there's something I got to say. The things we did; the things we said keep coming back to me and make me smile again. You all showed me the best of you and everything that's good in me I owe to you. Though the distance that will be between us later may seem to be too far, it will never separate us because deep inside, I know you all are never gone; never far - in my heart is where you are. Always close, everyday, every step along the way. Even though for now we've got to say goodbye, I know you all would be forever in my life. If there's one thing I believe, it’s that we will be together somewhere down the road again.

We're not alone; together we stand, we'll be by your side and you know we'll take your hands. So keep holding on because you know we'll make it through. Just stay strong because you know we’re here for you. There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do - there's no other way when it comes to the truth. So let’s just have faith and try our best to bond. I’m taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day, before it's too late and this could all disappear; before the doors close, this comes to an end.

Let's not allow the advent PDG grouping tear us apart; let's remain unabated. We should meet up frequently enough to catch up with each other, to invigorate our stressful and mundane life in JC1, which will suffice to make us stay bonded. We would kick-start OG outings like playing sports or studying sessions too so that within ourselves, we can extend our help to those who needs it. We would ferret out more ways to engage everyone but first and foremost, it is of paramount importance that we put in the effort to join in our activities to stay bonded. Even though our OG only had transient happiness and bonding time together, we can maintain united if we put our hearts into making it happen. (: I fervently encourage parmans to participate actively in OG activities while we still have the chance to and not fall by the wayside.

I want to extend my heartiest thanks to my OGLs -Cindy, MeiChia and Lynette, and I'd also want to mention that we will never forget the effort you all put in to bond with us. The care, concern, encouragement, love and warmth you gave us touched us deeply. We are grateful for you all trying your best in everything for us, going out of your way to liven up PARMA. I can't imagine what would become of us if our OGLs are not you three. I only know it wouldn't be as memorable and lovely as it is now. If you'd remember always, PARMA LOVES YOU ALL TO BITS.

Work hard parmans! It is a transition period to the really tough, packed and routine-like JC life and I hope all of you have the determination and not fizzle out after an excellent start in JC1 life. The life in AJC might tire us out but we shall work together as an OG (as well as OGLs) to the ultimate aim - A levels! Let's cheer!

PARMA, POWER POWER

PARMA, POWER POWER!

OH MY GOD~

PARMA, POWER POWER!

OH MY GOD~

GO~~~ PARMA!!!

Give me one parma clap!

*claps* PARMA!

*Without you, Parma will be incomplete.

.FULLSTOP.

2010-01-30T19:44:00.005+08:00

Momentary love.

I shouldn’t be hanging around, when the world’s turn upside down. You abandoned me. I fell off the tree, to the hard and lonely ground. You found somebody new, and cracked my shell in two. How could I foresee that you turned out to be such a buck toothed Casanova? Now there’s only strife and my life has lost all meaning. I wish you only knew that I’m only nuts for you. Alone again, naturally…

I feel what I've been feeling for you, means I am falling for you. Something's opened up inside of me and I dream in shades that only can be the colours of you and me. I think we both know what that means. No denying you're the habit that I can't quit. Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time, and we move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine. And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines, but I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside. I stand inside this promise I've made to myself but it was meant for you. My heart, I want to save it for you, don't want it broken into pieces because I need myself to be whole. Could we just sit and talk awhile? I just want to see your smile and feel your sunlight shining over me. I want to be, all that you want, and get myself together because you keep me from falling apart. All my life, I want to be with you forever to get you through the day and make everything okay. Because without you I can’t sleep and you're all I've got, you're all I want. And without you, I don't know what I'd do. I could never, ever live a day without you. Here with me, do you see, you're all I need. If I fall, if I break, if I lose myself in someone, if I give all I am, it has to be with you. When I'm ready to take all that you want me to give, it would be worth the wait, worth all the long nights dreaming of forever, and that someday we will be together. I don’t know it will ever happen so please wait for me if that day ever comes.

But just stop there and let me correct it - I want to live a life from a new perspective; I want to be praised from a new perspective. But leaving now would be a good idea, so catch me up on getting out of here. More to the point, I need to show, how much I can come and go. Other plans fell through, and put a heavy load on you. I know there's no more that need be said, when I'm inching through your life. Take a look around instead and watch me go. There's nothing I could say to you, and nothing I could ever do to make you see what you mean to me. All the pain, the tears I cried. Still you never said goodbye and now I know, how far you'd go.

I thought that I had everything. I didn't know what life could bring but now I see, honestly. You're the one thing I haven’t got right, the only one I let inside. Now I can’t breathe, because you're not here with me. I know I’d let you down, but it’s not like that now. I can’t turn it all around because I had to let you go. All alone in an empty room, nothing left but the memories of when I had you still. I don't know how we ended up here - I don't know but it's never been so clear. We made a mistake, dear. And I see the broken glass in front of me; I see your shadow hanging over me, and your face, I can’t see. Agony, regret or apologies - I won’t want to see those emotions ‘cause you’re not coming back, until I’m set free.

I was so in love with you and there was nothing I could do - you wouldn’t give me the time of day. Then you want to be with me, and there was nothing I could say, it was going good for me. Now, you’re telling me that I am where it’s at, but I ain’t having none of that, because I told you, you would look to regret it. Now I thought it would make it you feel bad, but when it comes to me just forget it. I'll be the best you never had. You put me through so many emotions, now it’s besides the fact, because in your empty heart I left a mark - the best you never had. No, it’s only as a friend, I don’t want revenge. But if you must know the truth, what you didn’t see in me, that’s what you'll never be. When you were telling me, I might be the one, I feel indifferent. That was good love, my stuff – that’s what you missed out on. My touch shows much we could have. You missed out my kiss, my lips, the love I had for you. Also so long, it didn’t make you sad.

The world’s rotating; I'm shaking, I hoped you'd turn around in time. The tides are changing; I was waiting, but you and I are one of a kind. No matter what you say about love, I kept coming back for more, thinking that if I kept my hand in the fire, sooner or later I’d get what I’m asking for. No matter what you say about life, I learn every time I bleed. The truth is a stranger and my soul is in danger, so I got to let my spirit be free, to admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind. I’m sick of playing all of these games, and it’s not about taking sides. When I looked in the mirror and it didn’t deliver, it hurt enough to think that I have to stop and I have to admit that I had been wrong and I have to change my mind. Sorry, but I have to move on and leave you behind.

We've run out of words; we've run out of time; we've run out of reasons really why we can be together. We both know it's over and it's best that we don't talk at all. I still wake up every day remembering your morning call. I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table and I can't even remember how long it's been. Don't talk to me even if I should cross your mind because it’s hard enough just trying to erase you from my mind. Let's just call it quits as it's probably better so if I'm not returning your messages, it's because I'm not coming back and I'm closing the door. I used to be tripping over missing you but I'm not anymore because it's over. Boy, you know it's over this time. I keep conversations short and sweet because the burning and the yearning inside my heart ain't there anymore. I know that we're through when you don't move me like the way you moved me before. And I want to pull you close but my heart has frozen, then you go out of my heart forever. It hurts me but I know that it's better for the both of us. I realize nothing’s broken so there is no need to worry about everything I’ve done and live every second like it was my last one. Don’t look back for we’ve got a new direction. I loved you once, needed protection. You’re still a part of everything I do, and you’re on my heart just like a tattoo. No matter what I do, I’ll always have you. If I live every moment, it won’t change any moment. There's still a part of me in you, and I will never regret you. Still the memory of you marks everything I do like a tattoo.

I shouldn't love you, but I want to; I just can't turn away. I shouldn't see you, but I can't move; I can't look away. And I don’t know how to be fine when I'm not because I don't know how to make the feelings stop. It's getting hard to be around you and there’s so much I can't say. Do you want me to hide the feelings and look the other way? Just so you know this feeling's taking control of me and I can't help it. Thought you should know, I've tried my best to let go of you but I don't want to. I just got to say it all before I go, just so you know. This emptiness is killing me and I'm wondering why I've waited so long. Looking back I realize it was always there, just never spoken. I'm waiting here. No - I’ve been waiting here, ever since the day you entered my life. And I would recall the day when we first met - you gave me a smile that I had never forget.

Staring out into the world across the street, I hate the way my life turned out to be. It's like pulling up in the driveway and trying not to make a sound because I always learn to hold the things I want to say. I’m always going to be afraid. Broken down like a mirror smashed to pieces, I learned the hard way to shut my mouth and smile. If these walls could talk they would have so much to say because every time I fight, the scars are going to heal but there never going to go away. My falling, my screaming, me stuck in the same old nightmare. I’m lying, I’m crying, but there's nothing left to salvage. Just kick the door because this is over, and get me out of here. There's only hate, there's only tears, there's only pain, and there is no love here. So what should I do? There're only lies, there's only fears, there's only pain, and there is no love here. Tell me what will you do?

No matter how much I cry, I can’t seem to get any better. Everybody knows, that I’m such a fool, to ever let go of you. It is time to move on, even though how much I wanted to crawl back to you. The least that I can do is to tell you face to face. I was lying to myself, I can’t stop trembling then I think of you. I said that I was fine, but I don’t believe in myself anymore. I miss you, but there is nothing I could do. What do you do, at this very moment when I think of you? I still need you, I still care about you, when everything’s been said and done. I still can’t forget you… So many words for the broken hearted, and it’s hard to see in the crimson love. Show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I have to walk with? Tell me why, I can’t be there where you are. There is something missing in my heart, yet I'm missing in your heart. How would you feel if you were in my shoes, feeling used with your heart bruised? We're to the point of no return and along the way the only thing we've learned is how to hurt each other. All the talks and all the ways; we almost made it but we never did. And it's finally come to this… We cannot hide what we've become. I am so sick and tired of being numb that I don't want to wait another minute - put me out of my misery. I can read your mind, you're not in it and we're not what we used to be. No, you wouldn't have to lie to me if you would only let me go. And I don't want to wait another minute to hear something that I already know. I really miss you, there's something I got to say, the things we did, the things we said kept coming back to me and make me smile again. You showed me how to face the truth and everything that's good in me I owe to you.

Though the distance that's between us now may seem to be too far, it will never separate us. Deep inside, I know you are never gone, never far because in my heart is where you are; always close- every day, every step along the way. Even though for now we've got to say goodbye, I know you would be forever in my life.

All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead and deep inside I wish it's me instead. My dreams are empty from the day- the day you slipped away. I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go. Some days I make it through but then there're nights that never end. I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me. But still I have to say I would do it all again. It is way too simple to say that I am in pain – it is not a muscle ache, not a headache. It is a heart ache. I would rather you keep quiet and never cared for me a single bit. I am better off without you giving heartbreaks more than you know.

Without you, within me I can find no rest and where I'm going is anybody's guess. Voices tell me I should carry on but I am swimming in an ocean all alone. It's written on your face but you still wonder if we made a big mistake. I've tried to go on like I never knew you. I'm awake but my world is half asleep. I've pray for my heart to be unbroken but without you what I'm going to be is, incomplete. I just need you to say if you would still be there when I turn around so that I would have the courage to keep walking forward.

Will you be there again? Is there truth in the stories you said? Wait for the time to make plans to grow old together, shall we?

Days ago...

2010-01-18T15:02:00.010+08:00

My mind like the ripples on surface of the disturbed water…

Just going to give some updates (: Forgive my outrageous standard in English.

09/01/10 - Saturday

Mundane routine like Saturday turned to a fun-filled one when Fel’s around. (x I woke up late, fumbled around and then reached school after the CCA extravaganza ended -.- Returned Mr Kok his overdue library books, Mr Ng his English book, and talked a while with Mr Liu (: Missed my teachers a lot. So disappointing that Mrs Sabar, Mr Yeo and (if rumours are not wrong) Mr Teoh had left the school. Actually, I miss Mr Foo too, but I can’t help it when the government had to rotate their duties when their terms are up. Met up with Felicia and went to Jurong Point for a sumptuous lunch I haven’t got for a long time. We ate a 5 course meal at Pizza Hut and the waitress kept stating the fact that there wasn’t a student meal because it was the weekend. Haha she thinks that we don’t know and won’t want to eat if there aren’t student meals. What, belittling us? A bad attitude, tsk tsk. It was really good, the baked rice and all, and we have to ask three times till our desert came. LOL shopped aimlessly about, looking at bags and sweaters. Then we went homeee~

13/01/10 - Wednesday

I went to HCI with Edmund and Daniel and I was pretty fascinated with the facilities provided there, especially the air-conditioned classrooms. Lucky Edmund could give HCI a try (: Haha left the campus at 11 plus with muted Daniel (he's struck with a sore throat which I thought was a voice box disease that left him voiceless) and took a bus to Toa Payoh interchange. Something funny cropped up. Daniel pointed in the direction of the MRT and there stood a guy who looks a little like JieJun. So I assumed he was saying "there's JJ", and I shouted across the crowd. LOL! Damn embarrassed. I was wondering how come JJ changed his hairstyle and the way he dress. We went to the platform and waited over 10mins for JJ. Then we entered the train and joined him at the rear.

We made our way to Anderson which was just a three minute walk away. I saw Dennis and his friends, WenHui and her friends, MinQi, JiaYin, Valerie and Sarah. HongHan said June was inside but I had no luck. Bet she left just when I came. Met up with WeiQi, WeiJia, YeeLing, Jerald and ChinChye at the Squash Court and we tried it out. It was enjoyable. I had one good hit and the rest were Boos.. Lol went to Volleyball court, Table Tennis booth, and finally, after much dragging by the tour guides, we reached the Bowling booth. The people were quite friendly and funny there. HAA and then we proceeded around the quite old campus. I don't recall seeing a Track and Field but I hope there is one because it'd be quite terrible without one. Haha lounged around and finally left for NJC.

We ate at Mad Jacks and I was pretty upset because during the whole day, I was quite dao-ed. It was until the lunch-cum-dinner that my spirits were lifted cos SinYi joined us. After we finished, SinYi ate her lunch. After that, we left for NJC which was a campus with lots of stairs. Haha and it was so much newer than AJC so I was attracted to it. Then we saw Ahem's photo and lol SinYi was so shy and all. WeiQi and I saved SinYi from the testy canoeing team and went on a tour by an ex-nanhuarian called SongKo. He was humorous and friendly and I figured the reason was because we were Nanhuarians too. Deepest impression was the smelly lecture hall that I went into. The odour lingering in the lecture theatre and the construction of the indoor sports hall that is going to end after we graduate if we ever enter NJC turned me off. I am sick and tired of renovations and constructions. We stood in the library for quite a long time, comparing KI and GP and how the teachers are so busy that they might not have enough time to tutor us privately, and other stuff like where is the campus, school hours too. I left for home while they went to eat dinner. Compared the pros and cons of AJC and NJC with MinQi and Gu conductor. At last, I settled on AJC (but I sort of regretted because I wanted a sports hall haha but I can’t help it if AJC campus is in fact, older than NJC).

14/01/10 – Thursday

I went to Fel’s house after a rushed lunch and realised I missed the bus stop to her house. So I had to walk back for quite far bit… We pumped my basketball, I played piano, we sang songs and she fell asleep on the sofa. Bet my voice is really boring and all to make her fall asleep. Woke her up at 4 and we set off to play basketball. I must say we had more bad than good luck. Drizzling even before we started to practice (that’s bad) but a friendly guy with two younger kids that we shared the court with lent us his very good basketball (fortunate because in that way we both can practice more). But we didn’t even manage to play for 40 minutes, before the rain came pouring down (very unlucky). Ducked under the buildings and went to the minimart. Then we seeked shelter at the bus stop but LOL the wind was strong that it kept blowing the rain towards us. Sheesh. I decided not to run under the rain to her house and just go home. GAHS what a spoiler, the weather I meant. But better that way, she can focus on her level tests. Goodluck dear!

17/01/10 – Sunday

I received my cheque for the Edusave Bursary! YAY! Haha and the government actually increased the amount from $250 to $350. HAHA so I am going to use some of it, to buy school uniforms, a school bag, sport shoes and save the rest for rainy days. If I can manage to enter AJC’s bowling CCA, I might have to buy a bowling ball. So the money comes in handy. :D I was late for the ceremony anyway. So I was half brisk walking, half cursing the relentless sun for scorching me and the construction works that made me walk one big round to get to the main gate of Innova JC. Seeing again, the campus of Innova JC, I realised that I should have put Innova in the first 4 because the facilities are really superb. HAHA and its near the Singapore Sports School (my sister said sometimes they use the facilities in the sports school). HAIX… Then a girl from Anglo-Chinese JC talked to me during the ceremony. She was pretty, cool and friendly. The kind of girl you wish you’d live up to but you can never be. But anyway, she was really sweet and cheerful. She was supposed to be the last to go up the stage (we are late comers) but she brought the wrong letter and she can’t get to take a picture with Dr. Mohd Maliki Osman. Which in her case, nothing much. I was sort of forced to go to the ceremony by my mum because she thinks this is the first time I get the Edusave merit bursary in my Nan Hua years, so she wants to have something to commemorate. Bullshit to me because the picture turned out really ugly. I saw HongHan, ChenJing and another junior from Nan Hua, and ZhaoTing, BeeLeng, and Stephanie from my primary school. But I didn’t say hi lest they can’t remember me. LOL I was pretty lonely throughout because no one came with me but luckily the girl from ACJC called Valerie was there to talk to me. I detest solitude. (: So, back to the point, I was the last to go up on stage. It was quite a unique experience to be the last of the whole ceremony to receive the envelope from the minister. An honour I must say because the narrator was saying my name with emphasis, “and lastly…….. Aw Jeanice!” and the audience applauded quite loudly because they were glad that it was over, not because it was ME. It was really amusing now that I think of it. The irony that I was not the one the people were clapping for, but I sort of enjoyed the applause because it was, I postulate, the loudest of all. Then I tolerated the sun bathe while rushing home, again making a big stupid round just to get home when there is a shortcut but disrupted by constructions… Finally, I got homeee!

That's all. Thanks for reading :D

Jack-Ass.

Long long ago, I loved you so deep. Deeper than the river, that used to flow.

2010-01-14T17:58:00.008+08:00

Maybe we are just not meant to be…

I don’t know why you can say that so freely. From the start, you had never once felt anything for me. I took so much courage to ask you why we had become this way. And your answer was like a blade cutting through the air, swift and hurting. You never knew, when each time you replied cold and bitter, I bit my lip harder to force the tears back in. And when you tried to be nice to me again, your overly honeyed words were like poison in my blood, because you never meant it to be sweet and tender – I knew I should not think too much of it. You should never have treated me so well… but it was never your fault. You didn’t know I was so stuck with you. I should have seen it coming, but I just want to deliver my warmth to you through my eyes. I waited, I hid, I disappeared, but never once you turned back and look at me. I was the daisy behind the roses. You never once noticed me because your eyes were preoccupied with just the roses. I only hope that when I wither, you’d throw me away without giving extra care. I’d die faster under your gentleness. Why do you always have to be so thoughtful? I could remember at that time, when we never failed to talk to each other every other day, you are my habit. Beep beep and there went my phone, and once again I was hoping it’s a text from you. It ain’t right, I read your messages twice thrice, four times a night – it’s true. Every day, I patiently wait, waiting like a fool but still I do. That was a year ago, when you cared effortlessly for me, when your words carried so much weight that I replayed them every day in my head. But now, the sparkle in your eyes when you chatted with the others wasn’t there for me to see. I lost it. I always stood at the side, pretending not to hear and not being affected by the gossip of you and her, and I never asked you because I was afraid you would admit to it. I acted as if I never knew the things going around you, because if I don’t, I can’t resist the urge to stop them from happening. Perhaps it was love – I was emotionally attached to the memories we had together, I was constantly worrying and thinking about you, I wanted to try my best to keep you safe and look out for you - but after all, they are merely memories. No matter how sweet it was, it will not change the present. It was too late, yet I never regretted because I just needed you to always feel safe and happy. The last thing I need is for you being uncomfortable with me and then take me out of the field because of my selfishness. If it’s for you, I will tolerate to the best of my abilities. You might never ever see my bleeding love, but it doesn’t matter because your shine will eventually heal my scars. Still, you go on, down your road while I stopped in mine, looking as you walk further and further away from me. My eyes will not leave you until you vanish, walking too far from my reach. When that day arrives, I’d then continue down my road, with us going separate ways…

I was chatting with the Gu Conductor last night and at last, I poured out the feelings I’ve hidden for so long, although to not the person who ought to know. But thanks, Gu Conductor. (: I felt better. So it felt this way to have a soul mate. I don't believe that I'd actually just trusted someone else other than me. Way to go man, I'm growing up. LOL (: Posted my application already! Have you?

results out

2010-01-12T13:24:00.003+08:00

When can we stop pretending that you've not already decided to go?

I wonder so much. Why is it that everyone is asking the same questions yet every single time my answer to them changes? I see a deep dilemma in me, like a small girl banging on the door of the closet trying to get out. Why have I not realised that I wanted more than anything in the world to get to my goal?

None of the worst of my imaginations came true. The moment when it was my turn to collect my result slip, I was utterly afraid. I couldn’t see the smile on Mr Benny Ng’s face because I was so drawn towards fear. He tried to reassure me by telling me that I’ve done well. Have I? Should I be at all, relieved? Or should I look back and then discover that I’ve disappointed myself so badly? It was the worst of my sweetest dreams, yet the best of the terrifying ones. I couldn’t bear to see the aggregate score. I just had no confidence to tear up the sides of the letter to read the inside. I was trembling so badly. Then, tears welled up. Maybe I was too preoccupied with the fact that I underperformed for Chemistry, English and Physics, that I couldn’t smile when I knew my aggregate score, which the others opened up the letter and told me. It was like my heart was on fire, scorched with the painful and despairing anger and regret. Then my tear glands went out of control - I can’t stop the big fat droplets from falling out because I needed them to. I had to release my emotions. Of course I felt like a total idiot crying over the results, when my aggregate was something I wished for so much after the O-levels. As a matter of fact, the aggregate I got was deemed by me, as impossible to get anymore, but still I got it. Sure enough, before the O-levels, my target was much higher, so I sort of failed my expectations before the O-levels. But well, what that was over was over. No use crying over spoiled orange juice. LOL

So I went home with Felicia after lunch, popped a bottle of sparkling, and sobbed every single time my mum and sister mentioned Chemistry. To them it was a celebration, but of course I had no mood to celebrate. Chatted with a few people who all, (of course) felt disappointed. That worsened my mood except for the talk with the GU Conductor. He totally lifted my spirits man. Thanks! Pretty moody that night, so I took time out on the piano to vent my frustrations. I should sing instead, except that my voice is pretty wrecked for the past three or four weeks.

That’s all. Sincere congratulations to all who improved and are satisfied! And to those who aren’t, look at the bright side of life. No matter which JC or Poly we enter, as long as we work hard there, we will all enter the same or maybe different University! (: Do not give up just yet, because we all are having another try at life!

Special congrats to my juniors who surprised or had not failed my expectations of them. LOL (: Well done! And continue to work hard because 2010 is your big year! And so some of them, you might not be satisfied but it’s going to be alright! Just try harder the next time! :D Congratulations to Fel YT Agnes ZQ Sherlyn and Edmund. HAHA

JEAN

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUIMUI

PRE O-LEVEL RESULT RELEASE FEELINGS

2010-01-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

Don't pop my only hope...

You see? This is it. My luck ends here, right here tonight. I’ve gulped down a bottle of sparkling, a tub of ice cream, a can of my favourite spicy scallop floss to commemorate the fact that after tonight, I’m not going to have the mood to enjoy myself like this anymore. Never, ever, again. Too exaggerated but still… See. What do I have for my future if I screwed up my O-levels? Not speaking of which, and as a matter of fact, that I’ve have already, screwed up the O-levels. It’s going to be anything less than a shining bright future awaiting me. I would disappoint every single teacher who took great pains to teach me. I had let them down. Oh yes, I just did. And I’ve to tolerate the happy faces of the people who made it to the honour list, while I’m keeping back tears that threaten to spill from within? “There’s no way in hell that’s happening.”

I could just make do with a small tiny wish now that I could still make it through 4 distinctions. Like that’s the bare minimum I can accept. I know it’s pretty impossible but I hoped to still get at 9 and below. A double-digit will scare the hell out of me, which IS, indeed, going to frighten me tomorrow by appearing on my results slip. I can totally imagine me receiving the slip from the hands of my teacher, looking at the pained and set look on her face, and maybe collapse when I let my eyesight fall onto the 10 or above numerals printed indubitably correct on it. Okay I won’t faint but the rest is going to happen though. I’m going to get 10 or above. There are people unsuccessfully trying to convince me that I should not be worrying about the results at all because I’d do just fine. It would be way too simple to say that they are liars. It’s definitely more complex than that. They are saying that because they knew the truth. They are trying to console me before the real impact comes crashing down on me, which is quite a charitable act. I’m not labelling all of them, as some of them are truly confident in me. Actually, they believe in me more than I do. So their words still warm the cockles of my heart, although not credible enough. People often seem to overrate me. Some underestimate me. So… let’s just say that I’m probably not what I define myself to be. All in all, honey-sweet luck to all my friends! ^^

宫

2010-01-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

《当你认为我没在这注视着你》

我在你眼中见到泪水流出
所以我懂得人参偶尔会疲惫
哭泣也并不是件坏事。。。

如果无法拥有
每次的思念都会变成煎熬
我也只能傻傻的哭泣。

相逢花满天
相别花落水
春色恍如梦
流水杳千里

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T20:16:00.009+08:00

A new long road ahead... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Initially, I thought my luck this year would depend on my Olevel results. So as all of you know, that means good results, lucky year; bad results, lousy year. Pretty childish now that I think of it. Because in this way, I'm dooming myself to a extremely damned year.

Results releasing on 12th Jan. Whenever I think of it, my stomach does a flip. I'm afraid I'll die of hyper-ventilation, or collapse from anxiety, or worse - jump down a building. Pretty pessimistic right? Whatever, let nature take its course. No praying helps now, the results are already printed and confirmed.

Okay, anyway the main point is... HAPPY NEW YEAR and may all of you stay happy and healthy! A new year unfolding before us so we should treasure it and make full use of 2010. JIAYOU!

HO HO HO!

2009-12-25T23:08:00.006+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS!!!

I went to Malaysia today, not intending to buy anything after a fight and quarrel with my mum. But I ended up with bags, hoodies, shirts and tanktops. Too bad I didn't buy any shorts... Haha it was a exhausting but still, fun-filled trip! 8D How's your's?

I wanted to go iceskating to get into the christmas mood but well, my sis got her toenail removed so no iceskating or whatsoever. Anyway, I recommend an anime- Kampfer. (; Merry merry christmas and a happy new year!

Are you my June?

2009-12-19T17:56:00.003+08:00

내 첫 B.F.F

당신은 아직도 날 기억하니

왜 내 앞에서 긴장한 표정 보이니

당신이 나를 만나기 훨씬 좋으세요

왜 당신이 순간부터 당신의 눈은 내게로 설정했다 부끄러운 설정되어입니까

당신이 너무 당황 스럽지만 그런 가요

그래서, 당신이 나와 함께 할 아무것도하고 싶지 않아

좋아요

나는 알고있습니다

정말 죄송 해요

나는 당신을 멀리한다

그건 약속

HEE

2009-12-17T22:03:00.003+08:00

Wow wow wow... What wonders excite me still?

Yo, earthlings, Jean aka child of the sea is back. ok inside joke. Jean wasted half of her holidays doing nothing except sleeping, watching drama (East Of Eden) and movies. Played little sports, growing longer especially in the belly area (hoizontally HA!), and weighed two pound more each week. No one really asked her out for fun like cycling, movies, sports, bowling or whatsoever. But she enjoyed with her relationship with her family growing better every single day. She finally belonged to a place, one she longed to stay even though at times she grew sick of it :D

Seriously, the one typing here is narrating her life in a third person view. Haha its dumb but it feels much amazing to blog like that. You guys should try it too. She is suddenly into choir stuff, despite hating it for years. She misses the way she could shift out of her humanity when she loses herself in voices mixing together with pefect harmony. Maybe she'll consider choir again in Junior College given she could get into one. Jean feels more and more insecure about how well she did in the Olevels. She realized she thought too highly of herself, thinking that she can get into a JC definitely. Well I'm not so sure for her but I pity her for worrying over that when everyone else is having a damn good time. Self-pity doesn't do anyone good. It just drowns oneself in unhappiness. I know it sounds lame for you reading it, but lol I'm enjoying getting confused with more and more characters appearing in this crap when they are just me. OH what am I bullshitting about?

Jean is hooked up with books. Books piled up so high that it burys her - swallows her time and make her happy because she doesn't need to mull over friends stuff which at times, suffocates her. She finishes books at a rate of 1perday. She is waiting for her cousin to come back from Egypt so she can lay her hands on Harry Potter books (she wonders if he will get a souvenir for her). HAHA

Ok fine I'm tired of using third-person narrative style. I bet its stupid and tiring for you to read too. Sorry~ Promising myself to shed my emo self away, cast loneliness away, I stand free now. (: Felt apologetic to friends I 'betrayed' before. You can call me a 'traitor' if that makes you feel better. God I'll be bored at the end of Dec. Fel's leaving for Taiwan. Haha mum promised me a trip overseas, but its lucid that it would be Malaysia. HMMMMM...

Jean.

*YES ICESKATING NEXT WEEK. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! WHOOTS

DYING PATIENCE AND BURNING PASSION

2009-11-06T21:15:00.004+08:00

5 more to go! JIAYOU!

I felt blissful these days because at least there are people who did not shun away from me. I am a skunk you know? Thanks to those who helped me along the way!

My motivation is thinking about the fun I will have with dear. Hope our stay-over will work out just fine! I want to watch many many movies with dear and go out together to shop, drink and chat in cafes, and study together! (x Hope this little wish will come true, afterall I still need to worry about my diagnosis after the check up. So I want to have much fun before I get any bad news. HAHA life is short, I discovered abruptly. Hopefully dear knows that I hope she won't pangseh me, or else I'll die of loneliness.

I realised that friends and family are indeed the most important people to me. I swear to treasure them and love them as much as I can.Thomas! Wana tell you that I am forever with you to bring you through this crisis! Jiayou and don't give up! I LOVE YOU! ❤

Anyway, goodluck for all for the Olevels! 7 more days to freedom so press on! GO GO GO!
haha although I do not have much hope anymore, and that I can kiss njc goodbye, I still want to hang on to the hope that my L1R5 can get at least same as my prelims.

SO LONG~ ^^

I don't ever want to lose you. Its true

2009-10-25T00:28:00.003+08:00

I can never expect things to go this awry

A lot of things happened in my family this week.
I felt pangs of truth in every news.
Many thoughts began pounding at me with unrelenting force, and I have no idea how to expel them.
My paternal and maternal side suffered losses, bereavement of a loss one and a diagnosis of ill health.
Why do bad things always happen to the best people, and those whom I love?
It takes only a day to make everyone swirl into darkness.
Everyone became melancholy, and nothing could quell the anguish.
The cruel reality of the unknown future rushed in, wrapping a frosty grip around me.
As grief strafted our hearts, a new emotion surged into our conscious - we should learn to cherish our loved ones.

I only hope for:
1. Every diagnosis to turn out fine, including mine and my loved ones.
2. The mourning ones to cope with the loss one.
3. A brighter tomorrow.

JEAN
*may there be light.

hihi loneliness, byebye friends

2009-10-16T18:36:00.002+08:00

Everytime I wake up, its your face I imagine.
A whole day of loneliness I have to endure.
There, here, wherever.
I comfort myself with the company of my shadow,
and at least I am 'not alone'.
Maybe one day I will find the jigsaw puzzle,
where I can fit in to make a wonderful image.
The future I yearn, must have what I wish for.
I would never want to be left out, lest alone.
goodbye, my friends.
This time, let you see me walk away from behind.
안녕 내 친구.

shimwang

2009-10-09T17:05:00.001+08:00

If I knew what was coming my way, I would have brought lots of tissues to blow my nose.

If I knew my heart was going to hurt that much, I would not have made that terribly wrong decision. I was too stupid, thinking that I could merge in with the class, yet in the end, I was like a PABO, tagging along when my presence was not wanted, not known. How could they actually do that to me? I might have expected that, but I didn’t know that would really happen. Even if I’m really the outcast of the class, they should not do that to someone that has done nothing wrong. They happily walk, they merrily talk, they gloatingly forget that I was with them. I was walking in front, thinking they will follow up. Yet I was 100m away but they stood there without noticing that I had walked out on them. So I stood there waiting for them to catch up, my eyes welled up in tears. When I turned back again to see, they had left. I’m the one to blame. If I had not foolishly go along with them uninvited, I wouldn’t have felt so much pain. But no matter how much agony I’m going through, I will not let those useless tears fall, because I was the one who inflicted all these retributions on me…

不是我不说就不在意空等候，
原來你沒想像中那么懂我。
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受，
你们的存在讓我更寂寞！

挥霍我的期待，从不放心上。
我有一丝无奈，也有一些明白-
（我）该离开。

不是我不说就不在意空等候，
原來，你沒想像中那么懂我。
我不能再从你们的存在感觉到什么。
不懂我,別再說,假裝懂，那是撒鹽在傷口。
我才懂不是我不心痛，其实是心沒了感受。

PRELIMS ARE OVER

2009-09-30T19:53:00.002+08:00

I wonder what I put up the tag board for…

A report on my results:

I made an improvement in the prelims this time. So I was improving gradually throughout this year.

Sciences were pretty shocking. I expected myself to score badly for chemistry, average for biology and well for physics. In the end it was all reversed. Bio was unexpectedly above my expectations, chemistry was pure luck, and physics was hapless. Careless mistakes, misreading of questions were abound.

Maths results were not up to satisfactory standards. Elementary maths was pretty ok but it was jaw-dropping for additional maths. Geez I practised more of AM than EM but in the end my hard work did not pay off.

Humanities were in a wreck! I really need to buck up in it man. If I get a b4 for O-levels, I can kiss NJC goodbye.

English was pretty ok. My comprehension paper was horrible, but luckily my composition was pretty good. What a relief. Chinese… I admit my Chinese standards are not good in anyway, so I am satisfied already. A load off my mind!

I lost to my competitors but I hope I can win them over in the O-levels.
To those who did not well, I hope you all can face adversity with a positive outlook! All the best and lets all work hard for the final lap together!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

2009-09-15T14:59:00.003+08:00

刚看过我爸的日记，眼泪哽着喉咙，不知何故就涌出来。
没想过他那么辛苦，那么劳累。
他为我们家真的付出好多。
每天都奔波，从南跑到北，又到西才回东。
不是做粗工，就是去店帮忙。不是载我们，就是载货物。
他，真的很可怜。
我老是对他没礼貌，动不动就发他的脾气，
对他大小声，嫌他烦，笨，慢，吵，老土。
他有求于我，我帮的心不甘，情不愿。
我有求于他，他总是笑眯眯的点头，为我两肋插刀，赴汤蹈火，不求回报地帮我。
可是我总是依赖他。
要不是他每天风雨不改地叫我起床，宁可失眠也不要我迟到，我也不会准时到校府。
要不是我迟到后他总是赶快牺牲力气和时间载我到学校，
我到校府后，大半天都过了。
要不是他老是安静默默的付出，我早就变烂了。
要不是他在我出生以后对我充满爱与关怀，我都不知我会变得怎样。
不是说妈没付出，只是她的贡献总挂在她的嘴边，所以我不会感到如此惊讶。
他真的好爱我们哦。
爸，谢谢你对我们的付出，
这16年来抚养我，支持我，鼓励我，处处让我，疼我，为我费心费劳。
绝世好爸，衷情男人，稀有品种。
怎么会有另一个他？
他把生命的一点一滴都记录下来，读得我心痛得很。
他写的那么详细，他做了什么，到了什么地方，还有我们的家庭聚会。
像是他的人生故事一样，也像遗书，看得我又笑又哭。
我第一次发现我爸好可爱，
但又发现他选了一本比较薄的书，也发现他的日子不多了。
他能写的，他能留下的也不多了。
他赐给我最棒的就是这生命。
我一定要珍惜他，我自己，还有回忆，以及未来的岁月，时光，相处的机会。
我要报答他，让他享福，开心，无忧无虑地活下去。
为了达到这目的，我得发奋图强，赚很多的钱，与他去旅行，逛街，
腾出很多时间陪他，聊天。
爸，我爱你！
*我也要写一本。就从今天我的生日开始，直到永远。。。

ANYWAY…
Thanks for the yummy celebration at pizza hut, ‘Aw family’!
Thanks for the wishes:
Dennis, Yi Jie, Jia Yu, Teoh Yi, Felicia, Vivien, Yan Ting, Vincent, Sin Yi, June!
And Sixfold for the present! I love them all! (: I’ll put the sixfold family photo inside the photo frame, use the mug often, and ‘eat’ the ‘biscuit’!

Wishes, I’ve got 3.
1. I hope I will mature and grow from this point on. I hate my childish self.
2. I wish for straight A1s for Olevels (except HCL), good results for prelim, and a Good Progress Award to finance my studies in Korean.
3. May the people I love and cherish be healthy and get what they want, including myself even though I don’t really love and cherish myself.

L.O.V.E is like a card game.

2009-09-05T13:59:00.003+08:00

is like a card game.
who wins,
who loses,
who ties.
no limit on players,
many obligations,
no right or wrong.
the one who loses is the one who gives up first.
Be strong and be a WINNER IN LOVE.

PRELIMSSSSSSS

2009-09-04T19:52:00.000+08:00

English:
P1 was pretty good, but my good luck ran out for P2. I did not finish copying the summary from the ‘matrix’. There goes at least 10 marks. Also, I can bet my life on it that most of the rest of my answers are wrong. Farewell, my A1.
Chinese:
P1 was wrecked. I knew deep in my heart that my Chinese standards aren’t good. But I can’t believe it was that bad. Till now, I saw my own failure. I’d have no future in Chinese if I don’t work hard now. I’m crestfallen…
EM P2:
Was rather good (seriously I think I’m just too optimistic). At first I was confident after the paper. But now that I think back, careless mistakes are abound along the way.
SS:
It was the first time that I was able to finish the whole paper. I am satisfied though my answers for the SBQ are honestly answers that I crafted out anyhow. A great improvement though.
Biology P2:
My A1 is gone. My competitor is bound to win me. I threw marks away last night when I spent 4 hours watching why why love instead of reading the textbook. If I don’t win her, I swear to work three times harder!

That’s all for my prelims report. I’ll continue to work hard while slacking on the way.
毕竟努力的过程中，多数时候风景是美丽的。。。

你没有我想象中那么爱我.

2009-09-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

爱：
很害怕你会伤害到我。
我已经遍体鳞伤，伤太多只会麻木，不会带来太多风险。
但也不能因此让你进来。
我的内心世界，钥匙本来握在你手中，但已锁上你依然打不开。
你想说的话不是我在等的那句。
话说太多最后也只是空头支票。
你什么都不要说，算我拜托你了。
因为吐出来，白说了。
我早就懂，我们之间是不可能的。

朋友：
你们既然能无动于衷。
我们之间的友谊有多可贵？
可惜不够时间，让我们到永远。
你们不闻不问，一字也不提。
你们未免也‘太了解我’了吧。
我从来不会开口告诉你我在闷什么。
但这也不代表你们问我不会答。
我在等，有人来问。
因为那样的我才能放下一切。
残忍时间，总是把诺言一点点摧毁。
我们说好要手牵手的。
可是抱歉，我不想了。
就连别人都明白的东西，身为我的好友，又怎能装不懂？
我的眼泪不是为你们而流，而是为了我很瞎的事实感到羞愧才会掉下的。

现在：
我想用真心对待每一个人，包括我的家人，和最陌生的过客。
因为有了他们，我的世界才不会寂寞。
谁都不应该因谁而活不下去 - 我，也一样。
我绝对不再耍白痴，装懵懂，乱发脾气，随便骂人，也不会再做出伤害我爱的人的行为。
因为我终于明白，所谓的真情，不是说不付出，它就会自动上来。
古人说的真好：天底下没有白吃的午餐。
你要多少，你就得付出多少，或是更多的努力。
老天爷，你看着吧。我会尽全力向我的幸福迈进。
倒是到时，时间到了你不要拖延我的快乐哦！:D

sixfold? get past that.

2009-07-22T18:37:00.001+08:00

The important circle drops a part,
Be it over, the loss of the forgotten member.
Mixed in with the tears of the companions,
Memories are kept as the journey continues.
With my departure, two die and is relieved,
Buried with the enemy’s forsaken hatred.
Even if what is left is less than half,
Nothing wavers my lasting stand.
Again and again, I’m the odd number,
I’ve been waiting for this moment to test the bond.
Like whatever that had been forecast,
The red string between us broke into two.
I set the time for this game to end,
And today our shine follows time and pass.
In the hands of the chains of vengeance,
It’s the deadline, the predicted defunct.
To progress throughout this interesting forbiddance,
As soon as possible, I search for my new partners.
With me I bring a group along,
I will find for myself the one who has been waiting.

重要的日历缺了一部分
被遗忘的月份将被盛大的弔唁
在丧服乐团演奏出的旋律之中
霜月将高高挂着平稳的继续走下去

菊花与叶片一起枯萎凋零
躺卧在沾血的火红之眼旁边
即使如此仍无法动摇你的崇高地位
就算剩下的伙伴只有一半
为了增加幕中戏的趣味
也许应该开始寻找你新的伙伴
如果要去的话最好成群结队
因为一定能见到等待你的人

to fel and your irrationalism

2009-07-21T16:27:00.002+08:00

我只有三句可言：

他人所闻，置之不理。
心中狭窄，忠情难保。
肯定与否，心中明了。

对不起. accept it or not, its all up to you.

why do you want me to be sad?

2009-06-09T20:37:00.011+08:00

just let me forget everything by studying...

204 406 sixfold... So many people, very little bonds left. Why is it so?

My old friends hurt me again. I was with one of them, and they stopped by to discuss their next outing. I must be as bright as a lightbulb that they actually did noticed me. Out of courtesy, they asked me to tag along. Am I crazy or what to let myself be scarred again? No way! I am not going back to them. Think logically - who would want the dirt they tried to wash away to come back? Two years ago, I was neglected, ignored and trampled like some dirt. Of course, I am not that thick-skinned to go with them when I understand deep down that they do not appreciate my presence. But why, are they acting as if they want me to be with them when they know it very well that they do not like the old me. They never knew that due to them, I changed.

Wah it's been ages since I've went out with Felfel. Sorry dear, can't help it. Wanted to go out with you so much but my mum said no... Just because I have to go out three days these week and I'm going to be grounded for the rest of the week. What fairness there is in this logic? Hmm no choice, I know that I should be working hard now but I just can't stop slacking.

Thought about a lot nowadays, and I think I finally know what I want, in my life :D May all those unsettled minds be as determined as mine! HAHA GAMBATTE! x)

Maybe it's time to leave the computer. I've been stuck with it since 3.30pm till now. Gorsh I should wake up and go back to my studies. I've wrecked my planner! My aim was to finish all homework by the first week but it became impossible when i wasted my monday and tuesday resting my eye. I wasn't sure what happened but it should be an eye infection. Drats, I was feeling moody that week so I cleared my inbox. The moment I did that, I regretted it because, I FORGOT TO SAVE ARTHUR KOK'S HANDPHONE NUMBER (he messaged me to tell me that my oral exam will be pushed till july's first week)!!! Geesh I feel super frustrated man. Hopefully he will be kind enough to message me again (: I'll be waiting...

Fine, that's all.
Jean
*我脱胎换骨了！

你们是我的过去，我也不愿去想起...

2009-05-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

曾经，我们都是要好的朋友。但从没有一天，我可以从你们找到自己的倒影。你们与我自身在不同的国籍，你们是才人，有的是伟大的天才梦；我只不过是凡人，不自量力的有着成功的梦。不停努力，不断寻觅，但始终找不到属于自己的一片天。现在终于有了一个小家庭，洪水魔兽却把小村的其中一人冲走了，使村民都患了思念之毒。唯有我，思念从未间断过，想念着的不是人，而是情。那份情，从不知何时就渐行渐远，一去不回了。

曾经，我们都是要好的朋友。但从没有一天，我可以请入你们的世界。你们与我自身在不同的平率，你们是高高在上，有的是我高攀不起的智慧；我只是愚笨的凡人，永远都只能望尘莫及。发愤图强，从未放弃，但始终闯不出属于自己的一片天。现在终于有了进步，有了理想，他们却泼我冷水，把我看贬，嘲笑我的愿望，打击我的自信。我不会认输，我也会证明给他们看，愚笨的是他们，我决不是没用的人！

曾经，我也只是在后头看着你们飞得高，跑得远。但现在，我在你们的身旁，与你们竞争。这场战争，我绝不会输，因为我有的是冲劲，我赢的是我的意志力。你们输的是你们过于傲慢，瞧不起人。你们都错了-不是我高攀不上你们，而是与你们的感情不值得我去挽救。

Hot topic

2009-05-22T20:56:00.007+08:00

It has been donkey years since I have ever hit the keyboard for a proper update.

I can only say my results are so far the most disappointing of all. I can't let myself slack anymore. It feels terrible to get grades that fell short of satisfactory, and I will never want to get such deplorable results EVER again.

Today, during geography lesson, I saw a perfect example of what Singapore’s education system had forgot to teach the students about, or what the busy parents have neglected. It was a basic yet important value that many of 406 did not have! Mr. Yeo came in at 1.30 sharp. He was punctual, yet many were not as time conscious as he is. That was not the main point. Despite him waiting for at least a dozen of chatting classmates, needless to say, they ignored the teacher and continued with their mindless talks of utter unimportance. They not only displayed contempt, rude and arrogance, but also showed transparency of their ill-bred character. Why didn’t anyone teach them about fundamental rules of courtesy? What exactly had the schools have taught them over so many years of what they claimed as ‘drilled-education’?

Maybe, it’s time for some self-reflection time to think back and see what the education system have failed to teach us and improve in such essential areas. Singapore is rated one of the last few in the ranking of 'Goodness in Character' and 'Etiquette' among countries that have achieved equal development in the economic and standard of living sectors, and it is probably the best time for the educationalists to ferret out better ways to properly educate the youths about good manners.

Jean

Mixed.

2009-05-08T20:42:00.006+08:00

Hey girl, you are my angel.

Just here to revive my blog, but apparently no one is reading. So I might as well just talk to myself.

Well about the mid-year examinations, it was utterly horrible. Suffered from severe lack of sleep and my appetite was heavily affected. Missed studying with felicia, but I'll just have to tolerate for another arduous week. I survived nine papers already. Five more to go!

Maybe jealousy is getting the better of me. Quit being so possessive. I can't possibly hold on to another person's heart.

I realised, this post is crap. But I can't stop putting juts in this post, because there are just so much I want to say.

J is emo nowadays because of C. C's face is entering J's mind every minute. J hears C's voice and J will tear. J hopes to be with C every single second, but J knows that C is busy. When will J get to see C again? Who knows now....... But C will know, that J is always waiting.

*How foolish was I to believe that I can let go...

WHO AM I?

2009-04-20T21:35:00.007+08:00

I-I-I am lost-t!

I'm losing my confidence.

I'm dropping my talent.

I'm drained of my passion.

I'm sick of my failures.

I'm lost from my ambition.

I'm forced by my inability.

I'm defeated due to my weakness.

I'm a worthless person.

I'm giving up singing.

But then and again, should I?

Many of you out there think I am just being unreasonable with my mum.
But you never know what I go through, the suffering she inflicts on me.
Just take the class gathering event as an example:
When I try my best on studies, she didn't see, she assume I've been slacking.
She say I have time to go and have fun, why not study at home to make up for my laziness.
For the outing, I've been studying real hard to make up for the time that might be lost.
When can I have a breather, and break away from my pressurizing family that carves out the way I should live to be 'more like human'?
Then she deprive me from my friends.
I have no true soulmates already!
I'm so lonely already.
Who can I tell secrets to, or who have I really told?
Why is she preventing me from socializing?
She don't earn enough, she can't make ends meet, she worries about it.
I study hard, I don't fail any subjects, I try not to give her worries.
But she direct the frustration at me, she vent her troubles on me.
Is it fair?

My sister is another good example:
Instead of encouraging me, she tells me that I won't succeed.
Instead of helping me row towards the shore, she gives me a push and capsize my boat.
My confidence is shattered, and I can't stand up.
And this is all she did as a sister in my life - killing me on the inside.

SPORTS DAY 2009

2009-04-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

I HEART 406

Sports day was just an addition of fun and madness, multiplication of sorrow, division of joy and subtraction of friends.

School was pretty off form today because I was in no mood to. Stomach cramps, stomach aches, headaches, sore throat = hell. I did not even read up on Chinese. I brought the textbook and brought it back to school without even reading it. I am definitely going to flunk the test. Furthermore, I was like busy overcoming the pain I was in from my stomach cramp that I don't even want to do the comprehension. In the end I tried but did not manage to finish. It's alright, I can give myself a pat on the back for that. I fell asleep at around 8 last night after bathing. I was so exhausted that I lay on the bed and drifted off to sleep until morning came to me with a undesirable surprise - I was very very late. My dad fetched me to school in the end. Aww sorry Fel and all. I promise I won't be late again... But sometimes the oversleep-monster still bugs me :/ I'll try!

Lunch was utterly boring and lonely. Sorry for saying that but to me it was. Just boxed myself off others and lived in my own world. While whiling my time away as they ate on the floor at some random void deck area, I just did some chemistry and zenned off (quoting Sabar). Then we strolled to the stadium where I was happy to see my class again. It was totally boring until then...

Back with my class, we chatted, played with Stephanie’s dog, hopped around and took a lot of photos together. We had super fan-club photo taking sessions for Joel Teoh (on mc to our great despair), Arthur Kok (who disappointed us completely for not taking part in the open relay) and Mr Wee? HAHA Mr. Wee sure knows how to act cute while wearing the shirt and sunglasses as if he was at the beach. Mr Yeo was totally throwing us off with his charm, and Benny was pissing some of us off about his heck-care attitude towards us. I am alright, because I knew somehow, he gave up on us. But hello, I didn’t give up on Chinese although I am about to, in the near future. Driving home the point, he is just so helpless with us that he does not even want to take class photos with us. Hell yeah, class photo without form and co-form teachers. What kind of incomplete family photo are we taking then? We cheered and screamed our lungs out for every event our class took part in, and good job Dennis! The four who took part in the relay showed real team work and their speed blown our spectacles off. Okay maybe only the three after Parry that won the rest like nobody’s business. HAHA! I was like poor parry that ‘tore his ligaments’ but it was JUST A SPASM. Minutes after he felt pain, he can walk like NORMALLY. He wasted our concern. HUH indeed, it’s not worth it (someone said that). I ran about for the whole evening, cheering for teachers and trying to find Arthur Kok all the time. It was the craziest sports day ever but the most memorable of all. It was the last year after all, so we ought to enjoy ourselves to bits. Hmm I think I did enjoy myself at the stadium with 406, but not for the other times of the day.

After that we had our class dinner, which initially consisted of Wen Hui, Li Lin, Cheyenne and some others, but a lot of them did not want to eat, so they left. In the end we are left with Yin Kar, Jia En, Yi Jie, James, Yi Xie, Teoh Yi, Wei Shan, Karine, Hui Ying and I. Rather pathetic but still it was fun! Then we went home at about 6 something? Then we planned to meet together with Yin Kar Jia En Yi Jie Siang Yu and I for our Social Studies remedial tomorrow. And two by two, they left, leaving me alone to clear up my messy feelings.

Our class won three events. High Jump, Shot put and 4x400m relay. Thumbs up to Yi Jie, Fun Chung, Parry (who ‘tore’ his ligaments), Yu Jian, Yong Zhuang, and again Yi Jie, the one who passed the glory to us. HAHA kudos to them!

The whole of today was just being together with people I don’t like, with people I like, and also being mad about photo taking. I just don’t really comprehend their thinking. I know you people are tired man, but after all it is the last time we’ll be participating in Nan Hua Sports Day. Why can’t we just be a bit more cooperative? Gosh, I was so pissed off. But nevertheless, Jiayu Teohyi Tinghuan Muiteng and some others joined in and ran for about 50 metres HAAA. That was really worth it although it is such a short run with merely less than ten people. But I feel the unision in us. It was sort of an boost to our bond (: Hopefully next time 406 will participate in some things more eagerly and actively. Well that's all for today. The two chunks below can be read if you want to, but it would most probably be talking about someone else, not you :D

1. You can tell me if you don’t want me to be there you know? Don’t have to restrict yourself to be with me when I don’t want to either. I’d be so much better with others. It’s a pain to try to start a conversation with people I don’t mix around with anymore. HUH finally, I have new found friends. I have my class. I am like a dolphin swimming away from where I came from, from where I DON’T belong. And to that, I regretted giving you something you are not worth getting.

2. It’s like my concerns were given to a big piece of wall, with only the echoes that are reverberating around replying me. It’s like I have always been sitting alone, just another stranger living inside of me. It’s like I have been thinking of nothing, but only a grey black blue and red person. It is only me and my illusion. I have been living like this for who-knows-how-long. One person’s thinking is limited, but one’s emotions are boundless.

JEAN
*I mean if you don’t like it, then just walk off from my life. I don’t mind, really.
**I don’t think I can climb down the stairs anymore…

mug my ass off

2009-04-09T15:26:00.011+08:00

E-learning is really a waste of my precious time, and I’m fuming because it’d thrown three hours of mine into the dustbin. I should have known better to turn to some rest or other constructive learning instead waiting for the lagging portal to come to life. DEATH TO NANHUA~

Really, I should have spent my time on something else because in the end I only got 29 out of 40 for physics and 36 out of 40 for biology. Feel so stressed because people can get full marks, why can’t I? ): rather demoralised now. It is alright, I’ll just have to buck up!

I wanted to revise for e-learning last night, but the same thing happened again. I FELL ASLEEP. How I wish I can make time rewind to make full use of time! Nowadays, my life is mundane and down to earth routine-like. After I reach home, I’ll iron my clothes, bathe, homework, dinner and a little bit of television to snip some stress off. Then I’ll get back to work and fall asleep halfway. I need more self-discipline because I could not fight off the desire to catch a little nap, which regretfully turns into a long sleep late into the night. I’m missing a lot of revision time. GEESH the hardworking ones are putting me out! It’s time pals, let’s strive on!

Some update on school life. I just passed my pickle ball test. LOL I didn't expect much afterall since I've not been taking the practices seriously. And oh, I'm still wavering whether or not, to join NAPFA. I missed my first 2.4km run and I feel utterly disappointed. Afterall, my favourite part in NAPFA is the run, shuttle run and standing broad jump and I can't do any of these three. I'll just have to tolerate... Physics is getting more and more heavy, so are SS, Geog and Chemistry. Biology, AMaths, EMaths and English is getting the better of me. I anticipate subject lessons like them. It is really fun-filled. Oh I screwed up my Oral exam anyway. Got a miserable grade and I felt it was damn unfair. Fine, I shan't complain here. Who will bring justice to me anyway? Chinese is getting more like a chore, every lesson is completely energy-draining and the homework just keep stacking up. Mr Ng's way of teaching ain't gonna work. Continually, to our utmost despair, he just piles our homework scale and gives us studies based on the textbook or authors that I'm tired of. I don't care if I am going to fail chinese, but I am NOT going to do his work. Wen Hui Li Lin and I gone crazy over Arthur Kok, but I am not as infatuated as they are. I don't think about him LOL. Mr Teoh is making me love mathematics. I get passionate when I start maths, I stop giving myself excuses not to practise maths questions. I just love doing maths now. That's all for today. Probably update this blog next weekend, so bye!

Jean is off to study!
*hopefully it will be fruitful.
**Today, your face did not come into my mind.
***I know, you are thrown off xD

who are you?

2009-04-09T11:03:00.003+08:00

Just because I didn’t say anything doesn’t mean I would agree to your unreasonable demands.
I do not to lead a life you pave out for me.
I am myself. Do not force me to do things I don’t like to.
Stop it. You are never my mother.
Think carefully, when have you ever encouraged me when I was in despair?
Never once, because I am motherless.

JEAN
*I hate to see you blowing me away from the life I’m supposed to lead as per normal.

love? maybe...

2009-04-06T18:37:00.004+08:00

Beep Beep On It Now There Goes My Phone,
And Once Again I'm Just Hoping Its A Text From You
It Ain't Right I read your Messages Twice Thrice,
Four Times A Night It's True.
Everyday I Patiently Wait,
Feeling Like A Fool But I Do Anyway.
Nothing Can Feel As Sweet And As Real,
As Now That I Would've Waited One Day...

then...
And Maybe Its True
Oh I'm caught Up On You
Maybe In A While You'll Be Stuck On Me Too
So Maybe Im wrong
It's All In My Head
Maybe We'll Await On Words We Both Hadn't Said

I Always Connected Online,
Watching My Space All The Time,
Hoping That You've Checked My Profile.
Just can't help wondering why you play it cool,
but sometimes I just keep falling for you

Every night I'm on the phone and I loving you

and I know you that you like it girl,

now don't keep it inside what's in the night.Now come say what your trying to hide...

then...

Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Maybe I miss you,
Im thinking of you

then...

*because it resembles so much,
my heart aches when i listen to it...

逆着风一人划船　如何能靠岸.

2009-04-04T16:28:00.007+08:00

Our relationship is not supposed to be maintained by one man’s effort.
I’m tired of trying so hard and you accepting without giving a little back to me.
Your silence is killing me.
I won’t wait anymore, because every time I see the absence of you in me, my heart cringes.
I don’t want to guess when your face will come into my mind, or when your message will come.
Because every single time I think of you, I fall short of sleep.
I’m thinking of you, and I wonder if you do.
Your smiles are getting harder to get, your hand is getting harder to grasp.
Your thinking is getter harder to understand, your love is getting harder to see.
No one said love was easy, but they only told us it is worth it.
I’ll hold on for now, until the string in my hand breaks.
Till then, will we break away?

Weekly update

2009-03-28T15:50:00.006+08:00

Updates:
-I quit SYF
-Earth Hour

School was pretty pressurizing this week. I tried to focus in class but nothing seems to go in. Especially when I’m a month away from the Mid-year examinations, I can’t help but feel jittery. Tuesday Arthur Kok was being unreasonable. Not only did he took away our recess on Monday and lunch break on Tuesday, he forced us to write 3 oral questions responses, a page full per question with 12 good vocabulary. Wen Hui and I tried negotiating with him but like I’ve said, he was unreasonable. He said “try and see me with the whole class with a petition, or else just stick to what I told you to do”. Ain’t he being ridiculous? Some of us have CCA and might only reach home late in the night! I really hate skipping choir because of demanding homework because I feel sorry to the members. What else can we do? Wen Hui’s and my decision of quitting SYF arises partially from this factor. It was quite an impromptu decision on Thursday when we were changing into our gowns. I asked Wen Hui “Hey want to quit SYF?” and suddenly we two are so on about it. I’m particularly sorry to Felicia, Zi Hui, Vivien, Zi Wei, Yi Feng and the rest. Miss Yin’s reaction about our decision was like “okay, you don’t have to come for practices anymore”. LOL my internal face must be beaming because I can’t possible smile in front of her like I’m so desperate to break off any connections with choir. I AM FINALLY GETTING ON TRACK TO FOCUS IN MY STUDIES! To that, I give a hearty laugh! XD

Lastly, I am here to promote Earth Hour. I got the warm feeling building up in me at that moment when we watched the Earth Hour video in the hall during assembly, the warmth I shared with the members of Earth Hour. How to put it into words? “Touched” to the limit that I can’t express it in pure words, and I feel proud that I am a member of earth hour. I still remember the previous year we used candles, celebrating the hour started from Sydney. That same old video never failed to bring me close to tears. I love Earth Hour, so join in and be environmental friendly. http://www.earthhour.org.za/, sign up and be one of us today. Plunge yourself into darkness with the whole world at 8.30 tonight and enjoy the pleasures of participating in the world’s most touching eco-friendly campaign. Just for meaningful 60 minutes, you can make a difference. Turn off your lights and say “I’m just one person”. Thanks for reading.

JEAN

love is in the air

2009-03-18T16:48:00.005+08:00

Happy day! zfvjmxryk is ♥

I became quite a retard today (fine I always was one). I opened my face book account and smiled wryly at myself, “okay I’ll just play a game or two. Take off stress you know? It’s only for relaxation purposes.” Then I replied to myself, “just face the truth, you just want to PLAY”. GOSH I need an appointment with a psychology doctor. My cranky brain skipped interpretations of a few nerve impulses. Or quoting Arthur, I’ve lost my grey matter!

I’ve been bringing myself to look at the textbooks lying all around the floor and on my bed, but somehow nothing goes in. I’m supposed to go and study in the library today, but I changed my mind at the last minute. Let’s just concentrate on our March Break homework before attempting to do revision =D. Sorry to Six fold and 204 gang, but I’m grounded for real.

With the English homework lying before me now, I am trying to do the composition, but I need some help so I shall push it to a later date. Anyone teach me how to do the physics SPA planning? My neurones are tied into knots! I have not even completed a single homework yet I am planning for a break.

Gees I miss studying with Felicia but it’s alright; the break is just about to be over soon. Let’s anticipate! May mid-years come soon, I want my June Break. I know I sound insane, but the pressure built up in me is killing me >.< need to let it go.

I don’t know what to do to let go, but I just know that it’s terrible to see a person you care about being so helplessly lost. It’s the same for me too. I don’t know my direction anymore. Or maybe I never did have one?

I’ve just heard from Felicia that there would be choir tomorrow which incidentally clashes with my maths remedial and group project. I don’t know which one to go to. I’m definitely not going to miss my maths remedial but I can’t miss my audition either! Or else Miss Yin would say “You are OUT OF SYF” which is currently a nightmare for me if I fail to get into SYF. I still need to memorise the song well enough man. Bye, I shall go and buck up on my choir singing because it just sucked.

JEAN

BAD DAY

2009-03-16T18:44:00.011+08:00

Once again I fall in love with whom?

It’s a depressing Monday where the skies are not really that blue, clouds are not really what white and my mood not really that good. I have the feeling that the end is near, but I keep holding on because all in all, you are the one I want after all these internal war I go through. Yet, your emptiness is killing me…

I went to school this morning with a heavy heart, and returned with a ton-added one. Who caused it!? But small chats with Yin Kar was rather nice and the talk too. The most agonizing fact is that I choked on my tears today. Argh I shall not talk about the heart aching part. Marife Cruz Yap is one of the people I admire for their precision with the language. Of course, Arthur is always the best. His full name slipped out of my mouth accidentally this morning during the greeting. He stared at me wide-eyed and I was terror-stricken *just trying to quote MCY*. And there was the Cat and 406 people laughing :((. “I will deal with you later since you are my student,” and yes, I will have to await my impending doom *again MCY*. Back to track, the talk was totally useful. I’ll make full use of the workshop to improve my English standards. And oh, I am petrified just to think of the next English lesson I’ll have. He would glare at me again and I’d go speechless (probably) and that’s it. I might be pinned outside the classroom by the corridor-less side. DEATH TO ME FOR GREETING HIM BY HIS FULL NAME~

Marife Cruz Yap was a legendary young woman that made our spectacles fell because she is just the opposite. She is a 45 year old, full-fledged lecturer type of woman that can’t speak Chinese well. Her speed of talking is ‘! @#$%’ I don’t know what. It is just bullet train speed. My group members were Kuan Lian, Yin Kar, Jesslyn, Fang Yuan and Yu Lin. It was rather fun to think of a scenario that can fit in these two dialogues- “what should we do if they find out?” and “you are such a coward!” it was quite a pleasure working with new friends and rushed experience rummaging through phrases and synonyms to fit in the sentence. I hope tomorrow would be much more fun-filled to end the workshop with.

After the talk, Yin Kar and I went down for lunch and we talked for a long time. LOL we went home, sheltering ourselves with a green umbrella. Yin Kar was rainbow tainted today. She has the colours maroon, green, blue, white, orange, and a lot more colours I failed to catch sight of. She is colourful today, and I’m just grey (literally grey as in moody). It’s probably because of that X-factor that I lost my enthusiasm in school today… I don’t know and I never knew. Yin Kar is so bad! She abandoned me at CCK lo (just kidding around). She needs to alight at CCK to avoid the rain. So I continued my lonely journey back where I last stopped at Yew Tee. I doubt you understand what I mean but I do not wish to explain. So just let it be.

I am sorry, Felicia, that I allowed you to suffer loneliness today. In fact, I was lonely too. Maybe, you are right. Bddml, Jhtwuths, oedth! And same to you too (Zddyl, Fwutysp, oedty)… Hopefully we will all leave the sadness behind us and start a new journey ahead. But still, love is beautiful. Agree, don’t you?

Jeanice
*I’ll love to see you, but not when you are helplessly down.
**Fourth time, when will it end?
***bddjl, jwutysp, oedty!

alone, forever more

2009-03-14T20:29:00.005+08:00

I don’t feel lonely anymore... because no one was ever there for me.

It’s been a day full of ‘excitements’ and my heart almost stopped because of them. I donned my class tee on and hurriedly left home. I was awfully late by two minutes according to the time we planned to meet at Yew Tee. Upon reaching there at 6.22am, the sky was barely illuminated. Felicia called to say she would be late. It’s alright I could wait… wait… wait… and till 6.53 she reached Yew Tee MRT station. Nice one darling, I practically had a small nap while waiting for you. In the end we reached at 8.30? LOL half an hour late was cool but we were penalised to three rounds of brisk walk because we can’t run. We had a little chat on the way and seriously we looked like retards walking around a same area three times in a row.

Choir was rather demoralising for me. My singing sucked and the leaders made my thin skin peel and tear away! They called us to sing one by one and what the hell I was so damn panicky that I screwed it up. I HATE MYSELF. It’s alright; I’ll just have to improve on it. FINE my singing just sucked. I was very irritated by a girl (or maybe two*perhaps three?*) who keeps laughing for no freaking reason. What is the problem with her?!

After that we had our lunch in school. Superb meal! HAHA we left for 188 to Lot1 (again). This time we sat at the rear but we sat at two opposite sides. We do look like a couple who just quarrelled. We had a Bluetooth messenger chat because I exceeded my messaging limit. It was rather fun but I got quite a headache after long hours of playing with the phone. Maybe that lead to what happened next. We alighted and walked rather happily to the lift in Lot1. THEN *drum rolling*, I realised I lost my phone *GASPS*. After searching my bag carefully, I left without a word. I sprinted all the way to the bus interchange without stop. Flustered, I ran to one of the bus driver at the counter and related my misfortune. She immediately sprung into action. I said “I lost my phone in the bus 188 which came around at approximately two minutes earlier. Also, the bus is rather new.” Quickly, I went with the bus captain to find the 188 bus, resting nearby. I hobbled up the bus, all panicky and sweaty. A smile was plastered onto my face when I saw that familiar looking blue rectangular shaped object lying just right on my seat. Thumbs up *to the bus captains for their efficiency and also to my own fast legs*! How fearful my phone must have felt when it’s all alone in a foreign environment and how happy it must be when I held it in my hands again! LOL With my heart still palpitating so hard and fast, I reunited with Felicia whom I dropped off earlier to retrieve my phone. Then, I realised I lost the other phone!!! OKAY I was super duper freaked out. Luckily, I found it lying in the depths of my bag, somewhere between my books and slips of paper. My heartbeat nearly stopped *I am serious*. Thinking back, I did have a small scaled heart attack then. PHEW~

We went to popular to buy my blue colour-pen. We camped at the toilet, took a few pictures and went to the library, our final destination. There was Wen Hui and Cheyenne, sitting on our usual seat >.< so the both of us were quite lost because we are not used to sitting in other places. We dug straight into our work right away. Okay I shall cut details. Wen Hui and Cheyenne left at approximately 2pm and we left soon after to meet Felicia’s mother at basement1 for a serving of ice-cream. Her mum is quite spastic, so that explains Felicia’s craziness? *head roll on floor* I think Felicia is going to scold me later. OH NO~ after which, we went back to the library to study. After waiting for a long time we found a bench at the usual area. We saw this book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and it was quite well-known. We had a few flips and realised that it was a good book not to be missed. But I didn’t borrow it in the end; instead I borrowed Jodi Picoult’s Nineteen minutes. I shall gain closure by this month! But do I really have time for it? I wonder and wonder… but I get no answer. We were super hungry and broke, so we pooled our money in and had a total of $2.80. Leaving the library, we two hungry souls went to the basement to see what we could buy to fill up our stomachs a little. In the end, we settled on Old Chang Kee’s spring roll (mine) and curry puff (Fel). While enjoying every one of the hot bites, we strolled around, popping our heads in any shop that interests us. This time, we said our goodbyes (thi time slightly less hateful to part with), probably because we are tired and wanted to rest at home. And on the bus…

I got taken advantage of by a Bangladeshi! I was sitting on the bus, legs bared. Then he sat down beside me. Slowly he leaned over towards me and I got rather uncomfortable. I covered my legs with my bag, but his hand slid further down. Okay he did not touch me but his whole body was leaning on me! And he was clearly not asleep because he kept shifting himself nearer to me. WAILS I AM SO DAMN SAD NOW. Now, finally, I agree with felicia that most molest cases are done by THEM. ARGH I need protection!

I have to go to my mum’s shop for the whole of tomorrow. I intended to start doing my homework, but disappointingly, I can’t! There is no way I can negotiate with her, and I am just going to quarrel with her tomorrow. I HATE GOING TO HER SHOP BECAUSE WE WOULD DEFINITELY QUARREL. When can I live with her peacefully? Oh yes! I knew it. She would certainly scold me for my results, and I got prepared for it already. So she did, and I heck-cared. How can I work hard if she insists I have to go to her shop for the whole day?! I DON’T CARE I MUST GO HOME BY EVENING. I MUST DO HOMEWORK LE BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIME AT ALL!

& Oh mid-years are stressing me out. Mugging session, anyone interested? But sorry, I don’t even have time for it *wails*. Hopefully SYF ends quickly and releases me from hell.

JEAN
*ZFVJMXRYK. You guys are all I need.
**225 days left to O-levels.

JA really is shy because of TYJ

2009-03-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

It’s probably the worst love ever… and I'm running away from him.

You walk by; I am walking towards you and there is a nasty narrow way. I chose to walk the other route to escape from the awkwardness. I did not mean to avoid you, but I can’t find another way to face you. I can’t smile and say hello. I can’t stop and look at you in the face. Because my heart hurt so much and it will become all rickety the moment you appear. I can never face you anymore though I want to. One day, if I have the courage to greet you, maybe you’ll know that it means I have completely gotten over you.

I went to study with Felicia for two days in a row (Thursday at Yew Tee, today at Lot1). We were on MCs yesterday, so we decided to go and have a break. A lunch, some talk, some work, a dinner, home! Today was plain, lunch, work, walk and home… I like studying with her nowadays because I can really concentrate. Little bouts of laughter, small talks, happy doodling makes it fun. Oh today we destroyed yesterday’s drawings. That’s rather sad because I drew a lot of nice fun things. It was low morale for both me and her today, and I don’t know why. For my case, I was very disappointed with my sucked results that are going to invite another quarrel with me and my mum. I don’t want to quarrel with her today, so let me just face the music. After all it’s entirely my own fault. Can’t possible blame anyone, can I? *sometimes I really wonder is it worth it to be nice to my mum.* OH I shall stop those depressing thoughts. I kept on thinking about some rather dark thoughts, sighing and complaining about the extension of the nine-subject-only mid-year examinations being dragged over 3 arduous weeks. AWW I will die from suffocation (or rather exhaustion) you know? It’s a good and bad thing that there are breaks in between, but definitely not good that for almost every subjects except the humanities, there are paper1 and paper2. GOSH I am pulling away from my main topic. “Bridging on to other topics” quoted from dear Arthur. I so love him now and for no explanation, I enjoy doing his homework! I sound really psychotic now… *like who loves doing HOMEWORK!?*

I have the determination to study, but the problem is I don’t even have a March break, not to say a holiday. Every single day I’ve got something on. Monday – Eng remedial and Choir. Tuesday – English Remedial and Choir. Wednesday – Should be the Geography Project stuff. Thursday – Maths remedial and Choir. Saturday and Sunday (hopefully) all for myself if nothing crops up but even if there is, I would say NO. I realise something. It’s sort of like a trend – people involved in the SYF or competitions tend to underperform a little in these common tests. Even YiXin and HuiYing did underperform. HUIYING IDOL! MUST JIAYOU AND BE NUMBER 1! Basically, I am just trying to complaint. WHY MUST SYF BE TAKING UP MY TIME WHEN IT’S TIME FOR ME TO STUDY JUST LIKE OTHERS ARE DOING?! Oh shucks. I shan’t waste more time. Bye!

JEAN

SICK

2009-03-11T20:30:00.004+08:00

I just want to break away…

I’m sick. Oh I am so damn sad for being away from school. ): I miss my friends! Gratefully it wasn’t hand foot mouth disease because I was super freaked out when I got fever and ulcers in my mouth. Nan Hua has got two cases recently but I thought it was more common in children? We are not in the category anymore… HAHA!

Some updates on yesterday:
We had some lame jokes session with Hui Ying Wen Hui Jen Ing Ting Huan Karine Yu Fang. It was really super funny because some jokes makes you want to kill yourself for being tricked. Quoting WenHui, the entrepreneur talk was rather inspiring but I wasn’t interested to become an entrepreneur anyway. HAHA the presenter was Eric Lam which was the author of our Biology textbook. He looks like a 风水师 LOL and its true. Choir is still the same old thing. Poor Zi Hui fell from a bike and hurt herself. Must take care okay? I can’t reach the usual tones well, implying my throat is sore. Wails my singing really sucks now. ):

Bringing the topic to an end, I shall go and do some work after sleeping and eating for the whole day! BYE.

&HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU EUNICE CHEW NING JIE!
A gift for you: choose between YX and Hadley and Jerald!
That would probably the best birthday present ever LOL XD
MUACKS, JEAN

i'm tired of trying

2009-03-09T20:06:00.005+08:00

People are pressuring me and I need to buck up already. My laces are loose, and I’ve got to tie it tight before I start the run.

I’ve got really stressed up now. LOOK. Monday to Saturday I’ve got choir practice. Please understand that I have so much workload on my shoulders and an upcoming SYF competition that drives the leaders crazy. Okay they, in turn, drive US crazy. What can I possible do in a Sunday? Can’t you see that studies are more important!? And another point to note: Can you guys be a bit more realistic? Gold with honours is going to be impossible, so stop dreaming. We are just not there yet, so don’t get driven over by the success you achieved in the china trip. AWWW harsh reality is often hard to accept but you guys have to. Stop pushing us so hard until we can’t breathe because no matter what, we will NEVER get what you want.

This weekend left me really dry and corpse-like. I certainly looked like a mechanical robot, doing the same things over and over again. Gosh, I need a break. Playtime, anyone? I’m like rushing through the greens like a bullet train and the world is darting past me. There are just too much work to finish and too little time. Hi five to those who think the same way. Don’t preach to me about time management, because now I’m going to adopt a new time management that hopefully benefits me XD. Thumbs up to Jeanice, because she is working hard to change. Hopefully those who promised change would push on with me too (you know yourself *winks*).

School is plain boring today except some parts I can’t explain. It was so funny, and I can’t help giggling. After school I went to Lot 1 with Felicia, ate at Kobayashi and studied a bit in the library. To be precise, I spent most of my time doing a Logarithm question which really pains me to think that I can’t solve it without making at least 5 careless mistakes in the way. We kept bursting out into laughter because of things I can’t really remember. Thanks Felicia, for all the joy you gave me, and not for the muscle-ache you caused HAHA.

This is it – my ‘mum’ refused to let me learn Korean. I promised her to get many A1s for O-levels but she just doesn’t believe in me. Who needs a mum like this!?

I’M DONE.

&HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YUFANG PUFFY! (:

remember that puffu always love you!

JALOVESTYJ. not again?

2009-03-07T22:43:00.004+08:00

Please come back...

I don’t know if what I did was correct.
Because if I asked you to shoo out of my life,
My life would become empty.
I want you to come back, but will you?
I feel happy to stab you right in front of you,
But my heart hurts when I think back.
When I recall your lifeless smile,
Your lonely back view,
My blood boils – I want to love you again.

♥BLUEZ
*THRICE.
**Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again

SAT BLUES

2009-03-07T19:24:00.003+08:00

Quiz from Felicia dear!

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real places, names, things - nothing made up. You cannot use your own name for the boy/girl name.

1) What is your name?
Jeanice

2) A four-letter word:
Junk

3) A vehicle:
Jaguar xD

4) A boy's name:
(long) John('s silver!)

5) A girl's name:
Jessica

6) An occupation:
Janitor

7) Something you wear:
Jumper

8) A celebrity:
Jeanette Aw

9) Something found in a bathroom:
Jewellery?

10) Reason for being late:
(Traffic) Jam.

11) Something you shout:
Jerk!

12) A body part:
Joint.

13) Word to describe yourself:
Jubliated (all the time.)

Tag: I am wanting you to do it because it is very fun!

Choir is being more and more like a chore.
Why didn't anyone tell me that before?
It's demanding for us to reach school that early,
When I do not even have enough sleep daily.
You don't think about others,
And you are becoming a selfish sucker.
I'm not going to be able to adhere to this rule you impose,
Because I don't care and I shall crinkle my nose.

ROK YOU ROCK!

2009-03-06T22:17:00.007+08:00

Now and again I question myself. Am I still waiting?

My language papers are returned. It was a terrible bet to see if I hit my target, because I did, and only hit on the grade I targeted. It was awful to think that I’ve not improved for my Chinese and people are rubbing salt into my wounds. My English paper was quite okay, whereas I was very contented with my social studies results because I never thought it would turn out this way. I thought it was going to be not another B or C. YAY rok improved. LOL!

Today is a rather fun day because I had a lot of things to laugh at (especially the loitering time with Felicia at Jurong Point). Thanks to rok for helping Felicia and I when we had no one to turn to. LOL we called so many people and only rok was in school. ZZZ Felicia lost her purse, so we had to turn back to school from central. Anxious plus sweat equals to horrendous. First we went to the GO, then to the lift lobby, and back to 306. I managed to pull open a window using force, thus we are able to open more windows to see if her purse is still in there. We saw her purse dangling down there under her table and we were super relieved *smiles*! So we attempted to open the window panes. “Bang bang” for many times at the window panes but none came out. Tired, I called rok for his help again. A few hits and it was out. 强而有力huh? That’s a nice compliment. We took out about three panes and I went in. Holding up the purse in the air, I shouted “MARLEY AND ME!” We decided on our way back to school that we would watch the 6something movie if we can find her purse. That was one of the ways to calm her down – she had all her juices squeezed out of her. She just looked so dead and worried yet I can’t help but feel more anxious than her. Thanks rok, we can then happily skip all the way home. HAHA XD

Reached Jurong Point at about 4 something and to our dismay, the tickets for the movie at 6something was $10. GOSH it was super expensive and I just felt like killing the man in GV who suggested the student’s discount would end at 5pm. But it was pretty okay, because we had a fair bit of fun even without the movie. Both of us went to eat Ramen noodles and she kept staring at her purse, afraid that it would go missing again. Chill girl, where can it go? We bought our bubble tea and went loitering and had a great deal of fun laughing at things she could buy for rok to thank him. Final choice – a set of cat and fishbone stickers *HAHAHA we joked that we could play cat eat fish together LOL* or a cow balloon. You name it; you’ll get it, Mr. Farmer.

Damn touched because Felicia and I never thought rok would go out of his way to help us and the registering part was even nicer. Haha we owe you one!

We ended the trip and went back home with our shoulders aching and legs turning jelly. How I miss a hot shower and my bed now. Got to end this, so bye.

JEAN
*who am I accusing? XD
*I was afraid I would lose you. But who are you afraid of losing?

SORRY.

2009-03-05T20:27:00.003+08:00

Brought back to my senses.

Got back my biology paper and I was shocked and really appalled *in a good way*. When I did the paper I thought that was it. A borderline pass was my expectation, but gratefully it turned out better.

I should learn from my mistakes. For both chemistry and physics, I got the correct answer but I shaded the wrong box. So I should be much more careful the next time round because it was painful. It’s like a small but hard pinch on your forearm. I have nothing to say…

I am in guilt. For not being contented for things that people wish for (but not for my mother. I’m really sorry but I can’t accept a mother like that). I was not contented with my results this time round and I should slap myself. Improvement is all that matters, not the grade. So, JEAN you should wake up and listen and be sensitive to the cries of the sad.

I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I did not know it happened to you and I am truly apologetic for blabbering nonsense. Please knock some sense into me, NOW.

JEAN
*sorry Yin Kar and An Qi~

NHHS ANNUAL ROAD RUN XD

2009-03-04T16:34:00.006+08:00

Love is hell.

Woke up late and realised that my eyes were swollen. My end of the spine was hurting like fucking hell and I just can sit and lie properly. I am the only one to blame as I caused my own fall about two months ago. Okay I can blame spiders to cause they indirectly inflicted so much pain onto me. It was until recently that I realised that it really hurts. IT’S DAMN PAINFUL and I just cried my heart out. ZZZ I bet I looked like a baby crying after falling but it was horrifying to think that I might be paralysed. It is no small matter, but like I’ve said – I have got no mother. She just doesn’t care and scolds me for falling down. Conclusion: she is not going to let me consult a doctor. I JUST HATE HER TO THE CORE. Like what am I trying so hard for? Is to buy a big bungalow for my parents and that’s how they treat me. IT’S SO NOT WORTH IT.

Back to topic, I was with Sherry, Jia Yin and Jie Ling (who parted at Jurong East MRT) going to take a bus at the bus stop behind the Jurong Regional Library. I met Aloysius, Zi Qing, Sherlynn and Agnes there. :D We are just so fated to meet because I met them on the bus back home later in the day. There were so many nanhuarians that we could not squeeze on 176. Xian Zheng was on the bus and he suggested we take a cab there, but there was just NO available cabs going down the road. So we found Yi Jun and headed on with our plan. Like I’ve said earlier on, there weren’t any cabs so we started calling people who were droved to West Coast Park to give us a ride. The time was 7.15 so most of our friends had reached the Park. Then came a bus and we just scrambled aboard as a desperate measure to escape that freaking bus stop. Firstly I don’t even know the bus number. Secondly, we don’t even know if it reaches West Coast Park. Thirdly, the bus driver doesn’t know if it goes near West Coast Park. Fourthly, even if the bus reaches somewhere near, we might not know how to walk there. All these show how crazy we were to board a bus that might bring us to some remote place and be robbed of our valuables. And the bus drivers nowadays are so ignorant! We had two very nice people who told us where to alight, BUT we did not listen to them. We alighted much earlier than the actual one because all the nanhuarians alighted. Majority wins so we followed the trend. After that, Jia Yin spotted an available taxi, so we hurriedly went up to the cab and happily got onto it (including Yi Jun). XD

We were pretty late and when I saw Jesse standing at the junction, we all ran to avoid her. HAHA now then I remembered – I still owe Sherry the taxi fare. I’m sorry! :D I quickly joined my class and soon after, the run started. Sin Yi and I went all the way the front. Then, the run started! I was doing quite okay until the first relapse began before I went under the tunnel. Then Sin Yi flew off le. Then I continued running with continuous pauses then. At two points after the u-turn I really wanted to sit down and stop running because it’s was like so painful. WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME!? Why can’t it start to pain after the road run! GOSH. I hate today man.

I was one of the 30s. YAY SINYI GOT 14! CHEERS TO YOU, MY DEAR BUGS! Haha I saw the PRC twins fainted and carried to the resting area. What a pity. They could have got their medals *unbelievable. Jeanice is sympathetic towards them!*. I was so shagged that I lied on the floor after I passed the orange cones. Did I look like I fainted? The SJAB guy came to look at me. HAHA so funny, but it shows they are very caring. HAHA nice compliment huh? :D

We went to the toilet, back again, and waited for a long time, chatted, sat down again, and finally, 204 came. HAHA nice one, you guys are really slow! But it must have been fun, cheering and laughing, how I wish I was walking instead LOL.

Then we had our class picnic and Mr. Hamster is so cute! :O We had ice-cream float with root beer *I think*. It was really nice and foamy HAHA. The finger foods were sausages and fish-balls which tasted really well! The half of the titbits bought was untouched at all. HAHA I shan’t elaborate more.

By the way I am really sorry that I can’t join in the competition. But I think if I joined the results would turn out worse :X. Our class lost in the netball and soccer match but I’m so proud of them because they did not give up and hanged on to finish the competition. That’s the spirit! XD It’s alright, because we all know you guys did your best. The most important thing is to enjoy the whole experience and foster bonds!

We watched soccer match between 409 and another class, I was like helping the ones in orange because we were sitting directly behind the goal post. We were very afraid whenever the ball comes running over. It hit Li Lin once and another time, it came rolling towards me. So I used my feet and middle finger to block it. OMG my finger was like SO PAINFUL! )): At a time I kept screaming and struggling because they said I had a worm on my head! WHAT THE HELL I WAS LIKE SO FREAKED OUT SO I GRIPPED ONTO YAPPY’S HANDS LIKE IT DOESN’T HURT HER *Poor Yappy*. I still can’t believe there was a worm crawling in and out of my plaited hair. YUCK!

We got to eat the whole tub of ice-cream while we watched matches la. SO NICE haha thank you Yin Kar and Jia En! We had quite a lot of fun but the greatest regret was the class photo. I really wanted one so much, yet we failed to have one. HAIX I bet I am going to be pouting all day.

After that, Yappy, Mui Teng, Yi Xin, Xiu Wen, Rachel, Jen Ing, Sylvia and I went to the toilet and to the play grounds! :D I just love all the fun! Thanks to all of you for giving me such a sweet memory! HAHA We played with almost anything! And the craziest part was the one on the spring board. HAHA we all held hands and jumped like WOW. We had so much fun and photo taking stuffs until a few councillors came hushing us back. What a spoiler! But it was still fun!

After waiting long hours under the sun, we were finally released. YAY! Off we go to Jurong Point! But I was like rather indifferent because I really wanted to go home. I miss home without my mum. We took a bus and we took quite a bit of photos and then, slept until we reached Jurong Point. We ate Long John Silver’s because majority wins! :D While we were eating, some commotion happened among the guys and Jie Jun went off to Golden Village to check the movie times. Then, he lost his way! We were so shocked then we tried to direct him the way through phone but to no avail. After eating I left with Chin Chye and Wei Jie, and I ‘emo-ed’ all the way home. I am just so sad now.

I am truly apologetic for the not detailed post because I have lots of homework to finish. So Jeanice has to go. BYEBYE READERS, I’LL BE BACK SOME OTHER DAY!

JEAN
*now I am telling you – I hate you.

WHEE~

2009-03-03T18:57:00.007+08:00

Tap again.

Something about my results: I’ve got back my chemistry paper and I fared pretty okay. Rather acceptable except the misspelling of “Naphtha”. It cost me a grade. OH SHUCKS. Hopefully I can score much better the next time! XD

I am still living in the shadow of netball, just that this time I was a letdown and I realised I pulled them down. Wavering whether or not to join the netball match, I am really afraid that I’ll pass the ball to others or throw it out of the court. Oh no… I’m stressed.

Before maths lesson Ting Huan was asking Mr Teoh about the Four Colours Theorem featured in the movie Suspect X. HE KNOWS IT LIKE DUH. He is supposed to know it because he majored in mathematics. Then Ting Huan accidentally said the mathematician looked like him. OMG! That was a wrong thing to say, because the reason why they had an uncanny resemblance was that they were aloof. HAHA so Ting Huan had to quickly add on “because he is like a genius, just like you!” GOSH what a bootlick-thing to say. But it was quite obvious that Mr Teoh felt very happy afterwards HEHEHE.

Chemistry on the overall is “FUNNY”. When Mr. Liu came in he asked Ting Huan (chemistry representative) to stand. The previous time Mr. Liu made a pact with Ting Huan – she had to get an A1 in the Common Test 1 or else she would have to stand outside the class at the corridor-less side. HAHA Then Ting Huan had to stand waiting for the verdict. It was such a long wait because Mr. Liu went off track and talked about the rules in the classroom corresponding to the air-conditioned environment. She must have felt that her intestines were tied in a knot. HAHA after we were returned our papers, Ting Huan *who was still standing at the moment* realised that Mr. Liu short-changed her two marks. HAHA it was unintentional, not that he wanted to inflict suffering onto poor Tina. XD then you guessed what funny Mr. Liu said? “Okay I’ll correct your scores later. So now you’ll remain standing first, because I haven’t changed it” I think it was something like that, and almost everybody reacted to the joke fast! Mr. Liu was spastic. He then laughed at Dennis because it was sort of the first time that he reacted to a joke. HAHAH He laughed so loudly and even I was shocked. HAHAH While Mr. Liu was making fun of him, I was dragged into it. No link -.- haha I high fived with someone because we’ve got the same MCQ marks *the moment I did it, I regretted it because it was so damn retarded*. I bet that particular someone is laughing at me now. Please don’t because I did not think twice before I acted. Good improvement for many of us! All the best for the mid-year exam and hopefully we can exceed our limits!

Social Studies bring whole lot of joy to every single one of us because Mrs. Sabar is so amiable! I doubt anyone slept in class today! HAHA! XD We were asked to look at our own items and see what country did it come from, and I only had about five. China, Japan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore (though it’s not really counted) while Joey had 8! HAHA I shan’t elaborate more.

At around 2.20, we had a sudden interruption of the Malay lesson in the auditorium. There came an announcement – "Attention this is an important announcement. There is an accident in the HDB construction site beside the school and the police are investigating the area. Please stop all activities and get out of the school NOW. This is a report by Mr Foo, principal of Nan Hua High School.” SO LAME! The Malay teacher still held us back and crapped about a lot of things. All of a sudden, a teacher came in and asked how many classes there were in the auditorium. When we replied ‘six’, he said, “just nice.” Then he crapped on about the annual road run. OMG there is an evacuation going on and yet, he ranted on about unimportant stuff. Through this evacuation, we can see that the people with the greatest responsibilities other than the security guards are the teachers (especially from the P.E. department). They have to stay inside to ensure there are no more people hiding in the school areas like the toilets. HOW HEROIC. Haha I sound sarcastic.

After that, we strolled *in a very slow pace* to central under the very much hated rain. How ironic, sometimes I love the rain but I don't when i feel happy. We met up with the rest at the second junction, and off we went to Sumo House! :D then Jia Yu, Xiu Huan and Wei Jie parted with us because they went home to mug. HAHA Sin Yi Eunice Wei Jia and I left Chin Chye alone in the Sumo and went to the toilet for such a long time. I bet Chin Chye must felt abandoned. Haha then Wei Qi, Yee Ling, Daniel, Jie Jun came. XD After eating, Eunice left for her music lesson and she left with Chin Chye. We continued to stay there to chat for quite a while, and then we left because Yee Ling had to go. We went to City Vibe before leaving because they wanted to take a look in the inside of the building :D. It was rather small actually, and i doubt its consumer market will be big enough to sustain. HAHA after that Daniel met Edmund yet I didn't see him. I was like so shocked because I didn't even know he walked past so Daniel shouted out to Edmund, and Edmund turned back for a chat. He is so... dumb because he missed his bus because of that. He said I looked short in my uniform zzz. STUPID LIL BOY. I shall be sarcastic next time I meet you, Eddiemuny.

Oh no. It’s time to go. BYE everyone.

JEAN
*I’m so looking forward to annual road run day!
**I’m running with Sin Yi. Join in, anyone? HAHA

NETBALL!

2009-03-02T19:47:00.005+08:00

Just giving you a little update on today:

I'm involved in this craze of netball with the upcoming mass games competition on the Nan Hua annual road run day. I so love netball and basketball now, just that I can’t shoot for the life of me. Let’s take it down cruelly; I really suck at ball games. No volleyball for me, no netball for me, no basketball and softball too (though I love all of the first three, but reality is just too harsh). Damn the truth, Jeanice just cannot excel in sports for hell knows why!

After we got the gist of the Social Studies project (I found myself consciously pronouncing the word correctly. OH NANHUA SPEAKS WORKS ^^) with Wen Hui, Joey, Cheyenne and YAPPY, we went to play netball with 403. Oh gosh, I fell in love with 406 class tee. It’s really so nice (all thanks to the logo by Hui Ying and the perfect colour combination with the FBT)! The heat was so intense that my skin burned in just a minute under sun. Hell no, I don’t want skin cancer. Back to the topic, I think that we had to hold hands literally, 406, or else we’ll NEVER win 403. This is another fact we’ve got to accept, most of the players in 403 are TALL. Okay not taller but really very TALL. Come on; let’s not get discouraged by that. We’re aiming for the first, ain’t we? XD Hopefully the soccer team thinks the same! HAHA we played about 4 to 5 bouts of five minutes and I was so exhausted. But I feel the kick in me, and the burning passion I find in netball.

Cheyenne and I were discussing some private topic, and Wen Hui was like giving puppy faces, threatens, pleases and pressure to us so that we can reveal the topic’s main characters. HAHA it is useless. Our mouths were simply as tight as the cork of the wine bottle. SHAKE US, we ain’t pouring it out XD

In class today, I was really stressed up by the Choir audition that I thought was tomorrow. It’s on Thursday like YAY! I was holding my choir scores tight during most lessons. I had no more time to spare, and I had to get into this SYF competition. My last chance in a choir performance, and probably bye to choir for the rest of my life! HAHA I feel happy just thinking of that but after all, my dear juniors are the ones I can’t let go.

Oh the results I got back today was… surprising, then disappointing. From physics to am, my facial expressions are the extremist’s kinds. Fine, I am dramatic. Suits you? Damn I am trying hard. Please tell me if I am talking too loudly, doing actions that are too exaggerated and showing drastic changes in my looks. HELP ME. I am trying so hard, so giving me a helping hand by pointing it out to me. Back to track, I shall work harder in my failures *in this context, failure from my expectations* and hopefully achieve better grades the next time round!

Taking the topics out of school life today, I feel that a particular secondary 4 class is really proud to the extreme. Not all, but a good number of them are sticking their heads in the air. What’s the problem with your spine? Do you need me to break them? I got totally agitated because there was this he or her from that class that looked down upon my class. HEY I’m not trying to scold you here, but I’m defending my class. My class is not among the top classes of the level, and that is the fact. WE KNOW IT. But we were all trying to improve the situation, don’t you feel it? We are lagging behind, but that doesn’t mean we are not better than you in non-academic aspects. In fact our class are so much better in terms of character and their skills and leadership. Hey so what if your class is always among the top *hint*? Academic excellence doesn’t say everything about your character. If you are an intelligent student, then I must say your education all these years are so wasted because you are downright rotten inside. He or she puts up a front, acting that he or she is not studying. He or she loves to convince people that he or she is stupid. He or she is yet, criticising people by telling them indirectly that we are INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED. Who gave you the rights to speak like that of our class? We have our dignity, so stop trampling on our pride like you are some elephant. OH YES, in fact you are just a dumb, clumsy elephant. SHUCKS

The end.

POST COMMON TEST1

2009-02-28T17:27:00.003+08:00

Finally! Some updates on the common tests (: happy reading the chunks!

English – I skimped through the passage without understanding, attempted the questions with the pressure as I have exceeded my time frame introduced by Mr. Kok. Perhaps I wasn’t really concentrating, I felt myself wondering about irrelevant things that contributed to my time constraints. I wasted a lot of time attempting the short answer questions, trying hard not to lose any marks there. Then with merely 30 something minutes left, I did my first draft of summary question. I TOOK ABOUT THREE MINUTES JUST TO DRAW THE GRID! Shit you Arthur, I LOVE MATHS, so just let me do the counting. I kept cancelling, adding words, subbing in points because I was far under the word limit. Luckily, I managed to finish the comprehension, except for one question which I deliberately left a blank. It was the vocabulary question – Worthy. I kept thinking of worthwhile, but it’s not paraphrased. Goodness I can swear I killed a lot brain cells because of that damned word.

Chinese – I did not finish the comprehension questions like OOG I feel like killing myself. For the question asking for four different types of 修辞手法 the author used, I forgot he used 叠词! Shucks I failed to answer some other questions and it was really mood-dampening!

Elementary Mathematics – ‘Goodness gracious me’. It was easy but I had a whole lot of careless mistakes! I got it back already. At first I was pretty satisfied, but after a small talk with Cheyenne, I became hungry for more. Let’s strive hard for it man. I believe we all can do better than that!

Geography – I did not manage to attempt the question about the UNMDG one. I was really disappointed. Just wait, I’m going to fail my geography. Hopefully my geography class test can pull it up a little. I just passed my class test and if I fail my common test by a little, I can pull it up to a pass? *prays for a million prayers* When am I going to excel in geography? I really don’t know. But I finally know the reason why for my failure. I write too slowly, resulting in the long-existing problem of the inability to finish the paper in the time limit. I HATE MYSELF. I’m going to find a new handwriting that I can write faster in! Oh what a waste of my time.

Chemistry – I totally sucked at this paper! I studied like shit, practiced, yet I skipped some of the important details in the textbook, therefore I could not find the answer to many of the questions. I also failed to read up the fuels in detail. It’s my entire fault. Jeanice sucks man. GORSH!

Social Studies – should be able to pass, but I did not have enough to weigh the factors. I should have because when I asked Mrs. Sabar, she said I can weigh the factors. WHAT A WASTE. The SEQ was an attempted question, yet I am not going to get the full marks! I hate it when I know it but I just don’t have the time to write the correct answers down! The SBQ was screwed because I can’t find a good way to express what I know about the inference. Seriously, I feel like being pinned outside the classroom at the corridor-less side. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…

Additional Mathematics – Fun but equally saddening. I did not do questions worth of 11 marks! If I had more time, I would definitely be able to work out 3ii! Kill Jeanice man! She is not worth to continue living because she is stupid to the extremes!

Biology – I am dumbfounded by my standard in Biology. It’s obvious that my standard dropped a lot because I could not answer simple medical questions! I ought to be hanged. I am resolute to read up more medical books because I just can’t stand myself anymore. My most confident subject is now my weakest subject. Can you believe in that!?

Physics – I am glad that I am finally able to do physics. Quoting Mr. Nic. Liu, the physics paper is ‘do-able’. But thinking back, the topics are rather easy compared to those learnt in sec 3. Thus, it’s not something worth celebrating because it still reflected my standard in physics is really basic. I have to buck up already.

And to someone who gave me two Toblerones on the Monday following Valentines, which probably a belated Valentines gift: You should have told me who you are, because if I don’t know, I would not know who to thank. And you sure don’t know me well enough - I don’t like dark chocolates. HAHA but thanks anyway! I like it still! xD *if you reading this, you might want to tag at my tag board saying that you gave it (:*

Enough of blogging. BYE!
JEAN

AFTER COMMONTESTS1

2009-02-27T23:23:00.001+08:00

HI WORLD. JEAN IS BACK ALIVE AND KICKING *after surviving such an ordeal, I believed I have lost quite a lot of weight. Oh RANDOM*

Though the end of the arduous period of exams calls for a celebration, the expected outcomes of my results are equally depressing. My mood is lifted up by the rather brain-juice exploitative movie, but my thoughts are disarrayed by a couple of pressing concerns. Love is one, ambition is another and the last is achievement.

Love is ambiguous. No function, no method, no formula, no definition, no range, no limitations, no borders. What he told me knocked me to my senses. Am I trying to convince myself and everyone else that I don’t like him, trying not to like him, or really don’t like him? It’s a pity that I don’t know the answer, but I'm elated (or should I say relieved) that I don’t get perturbed by those disturbing thoughts for hours (like some people do). I could find a right balance to life and emotions, like the way you find the balance between work and play. I could not think of anything if I don’t want to, to stay focused and concentrate on the work I’m in the midst of finishing. Gladly able to do that, I’ll try to help those who can’t (haha to a specific someone, you know who you are). I only think of it when I force myself to, or else… WHO’S HE? I really don’t know. I’ll strive harder to forget him, and hopefully able to tell the world that I really do not like him. I am waiting for that day, and you shall wait and see.

What is my ambition? What is it that I would want to be for the rest of my life? Serving with a higher purpose, or crafting out a path for myself? Working for my interest? Or for the sake of living life it is routinely supposed to be? But that would definitely be boring, causing people to become sluggish in their course of action to become what they WANT to become. I want to be a medical researcher, finding cures for AIDS and other Cancers. I want to help the world’s sick to be able to live their life longer and much healthier. To that I must work hard in my sciences, to be able to get into the field that I want. Happily, someone is with me along this path – WENHUI! Initially I thought no one would be interested in such a field, but she is in with me, though she wants to be a surgeon. I admire people who have set their targets since young, yet I am still wavering here in my small boat, uncertain on where to go and what to get. Now that I have decided, I’ll find myself a good path! =D

What have I achieved up till now, after nearly ten years of education? And what exactly do I want to achieve in my future? Controlling the time machine I am in, I call my ten years as ‘a waste’. Due to a simplistic reason – I have not matured through the experiences I encounter. Not at all absorbing skills and knowledge, but only whiling time away. I used to idle time like it’s not going to be a cause of failure, but now I’ve come to hate to waste time because in all, time can’t be rewind for you to make use of those ‘it’ you have drained away. Other than materialistic wants such as the 5Cs (Cash Condominium Car Credit-Card Club), we all have a peak we want to climb to. It could be bliss and satisfaction with life, being a career man or woman, or even being a good parent to their kids. Who knows? One set their goals and shapes one self’s life by looking at other people’s life and one’s own experiences. I still think it’s too early to see what I want at the end of my life, but I’d hope to know as soon as possible to start digging the ground to get my gold.

To spice up this boring post, I shall narrate about the movie I just watched – Suspect X. It is about two clever men (a physicist and a mathematician) that became acquaintances since their university lives. The mathematician fell in love with a neighbour who came knocking at his door to tell him that she had just moved in the next door when he was about to commit suicide. This woman with her daughter was harassed by his ex-husband who came to ask for money. (I shall skip details) the two strong-willed women killed this man and did not know what to do. The clever mathematician came to take a look after hearing the commotion and knew that they have killed someone (this mathematician is really a genius). He helped to dispose of the body and soon… all that he planned out is actually to sacrifice himself in order to help the neighbour because she had saved his life. It’s all about love and friendship and it’s so damn touching. I shan’t go on because I promise it would be of a good watch, so do join the craze and watch SUSPECT X! Okay I shall stop all the hard selling and it’s your choice whether or not to miss such a nice Japanese movie! All thanks to Wen Hui’s recommendation, I came to realise that Japanese movies are really intriguing and the geniuses’ plots really make you feel stupid. HAHA trust me - it’s really worth the bucks.

To that I end my boring blog post. I hope you won’t be yawning at my tag board, ranting about how mundane you felt my post was because to me, it wasn’t. It’s about my life and how I am about to embark on the journey to achieve my ultimate goal, the one and only one – the summit!

JEAN

STRESS >.<

2009-02-21T22:06:00.003+08:00

I woke up late in the morning, grabbing up books and the laptop and left the house with my hair unkempt and clothes untidy and not ironed. GORSH I must be a picture of flurry. I practically ran to the school, sweating and anxious. I quickly rushed into the school, partially afraid that the security guard would stop me from going in because I was wearing brown shoes. HAHA but another part of me was certain that the uncles were very nice and kind. I waited for the lessons to begin while standing at the railings on the second floor with Yin Kar, Jia En and Hui Ming, enjoying the cool wind.

The remedial was fun as usual because Mrs. Sabar is my laughing agent! One part of the lesson was when Mrs. Sabar asked us to say out a words used to explain purpose one by one. Then she deliberately made YY the last one so that it would be difficult for him to think of a word to answer her. In the end she gave a clue, so he got the answer. HAHA we did comparison that day. I hate comparison questions because they are so mechanical. There is no other way to answer the questions and the comparisons are usually the lamest one (e.g. one is a pictorial source and one is a textual source). We ended the lesson pretty late. I had to wait for Felicia after her choir to study together, which was 1pm. I had so much time in between that I had no idea where to go. So while Yin Kar and Jia En were playing netball with Cheyenne and Joey in the parade square, I read geography. Then all thanks to Jia En’s parents giving us a free ride to Dover, we would just have to take a train home. :D Haha it was funny because we went the wrong way up the platform and Jia En was like giggling (SO LAME…)

I left at JE and went to JRL’s forth floor and stoned for a pretty long time. To my horror, Felicia is only able to reach school at about 2pm. I WAS HUNGRY AND LONELY. Haha I shan’t complaint more because that would make Felicia feel guilty. I decided to go around finding an empty socket to that I can use my laptop to study geography and Chinese. I found one at the second floor, and I felt weird because there were three other squeezed at the socket. Four sockets in total, and there were three used up. Nevertheless, I quickly settled myself comfortable and rapidly went back to the world of Geography. HAHA. While I was reading up halfway, Felicia called and I had to rush to JE to meet up with because we’ve decided to study at CCK library instead. So I practically jumped from a library to another. On my way out of the library, I met Xian Zheng HAHA so funny. I met up the Felicia and we went to CCK!

We ate at Long John Silver’s AGAIN because we ate it together yesterday. My choice was rather limited because I swore never to eat Mac Donald’s and KFC again. Thus I can only suggest going to LJS again. Thanks Felicia for giving in to me (x. We guessed which piece was fish and which was chicken, and I won because I knew that the fish is longer and thinner, whereas the chicken is thicker and shorter. YAY HAHA we are so childish, but it’s all these small little details made everything nice and memorable. We went up to the library bloated and full, and Felicia’s was a disaster because she insisted in tying it from plaits to ponytail. Imagine the bushy ponytail she has *oh gosh I am scared she’ll come running after me with a knife*.

The library was so packed! My hopes of finding a table with a socket were dashed because there are just too many people there! I tried using one of the sockets but the damn librarian said that it was not usable. SHUCKS then why not state “this socket is not usable”. DAMN IT MANS! Then I was forced to find another place, and we went back to the place we sat at yesterday. While in the midst of studying, there were two girls wanting to share the sockets with me. Then she pushed her charger of her laptop in. I actually wanted to help her press the switch, but she fumbled and switched off my laptop switch instead. I was very pissed off, but yet I had to act as if I am alright with it. WTF! IF I SPOIL THE LAPTOP, MY SISTER WOULD COME KILLING ME BECAUSE HER DOCUMENTS ARE SO DAMN IMPORTANT. SHIT THESE TWO GIRLS MAN. *I finally managed to pour out my unhappiness about the incident because I can’t possible show that out in the library in front of the two girls.* We studied until late into the afternoon.

Nearing evening, we left, with me unsatisfied that I’ve not done enough work. Then I accompanied her to go to Courts to see if there sold any mirrors. She was doubtful whether that was, but not knowing the size of the Court in Lot 1 is so much smaller than the one in Causeway Point, I bet with her that there would definitely be mirrors on sale. Then now I owe her one rupiah because there isn’t any. HAIX SAD ME! Then we left Lot 1.

After I bade farewell, I went on with my lonely journey home. Upon reaching home, I continued with my studying and I still did not manage to finish my intended aim of completion. I AM SO STRESSED.

Common test is just around the corner. The more I revise, the more stress is accumulated and I really wonder why. Hopefully the results would not be too devastating because I would be super disappointed if I failed to get good grades again! Never mind, I’ll just have to keep on trying and even harder every time! All the best to all of you! xD

JEAN

WEIQI!

2009-02-15T14:16:00.001+08:00

Though you are too mischevious, I still love you.
Though you are gone now, I still remember you.
Though you are always in my heart, I still miss you.
Though you have left me, I still hope you will come back.
Though you may have said all you wanted to say, I still have loads to tell you.
Though you might never come back, I still hope you do.
Though we may not meet ever again, I still pray that the world is small.
Though we are not together now, I still feel your presence.
You are living in our hearts, no matter where you are.

ZJFWVZ misses you.

oh valentines

2009-02-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

Oh shucks.
I was just feeling emotional at the other blog just now.
Then now, I feel worse.
Save me from the Valentines spirit out there that is bombarding me!
Its such a horrendous day, with couples holding hands in front of me.
There are many like me, I realise in a frenzy, unaccompanied and feeling weird.
Or should I say I'm slightly different, Valentines is rubbishy.
Like it or not, the day still had to go on.
I'd live my life as per normal, there is nothing special going on.
Like what bulldog said, "love is a masquerade".
Aint it a beautiful phrase?
Gorsh, love is just a illusion.
And yes! I'm disillusioned.
Happy (no) Valentines day to people like me who have no valentines.
Enjoy your stay!
♥JEAN

PRE-VALENTINES

2009-02-13T20:44:00.002+08:00

TWICE... *I hope that this will be the last time I'll ever fall for you*

All my emotions are crumbling down in my heart, sending giant waves crashing against one another like an up heaved rollercoaster.

After trying to muster the courage to give him a gift for friendship and love, my shyness wrecked it. In such perplexity during time constraints, I was blinded by the stares by Authur Kok and the whole class, just like arrows piercing right through my back. I didn't want to pass it down at all. My plan was to pass it to him personally during lunch. OH CRAP. Its such a disaster man! ): and according to my spy, the cake melted before he ate it. *gorsh another crack like a lightning bolt fastened onto my heart* I JUST QUOTED YIXIN.

Now and again, I’ve been telling myself repeatedly to give up and move on with studies, but somehow I got the motivation to study without being distracted by other things. And you guess what the drive is? Yes some of you got it right. Probably that’s the only person who has the capability to inspire me to mug. It’s a contradiction – I want to give up and I don’t want to give up because that’s what pushes me on. I am waiting for the day it fades away and I’ll have to find another goal, perhaps in near future (I think… because my broken heart is healing fast).

After wailing for hours once I reached home, I felt dehydrated after not drinking any water for at least four hours. I blacked out and was curled up on the floor, falling into a deep sound sleep. Waking up after a long time, I ate, bathed, and I forgot all the unhappiness. Life is so short, no use moping about a one-sided relationship :D In this day, I finally woke up to the calls of the world to wake up from ‘in-one-sided-relationship’ to turn back to ‘single-hood’. I can’t believe that I could talk about this so openly - maybe because it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Love doesn’t, anymore. Its significance was lost in the valentine’s spirit since this morning. Gone with the wind...

Pre-valentines is nice (: thank you for all of your sweets, chocolates, lollipops, marshmallows and notes. And hope you’ll enjoy eating chocolates and gummies and marshmallows from me! xD I did not have enough time and money to buy and wrap the gummies together and write a note to all of you, so I am sincerely SORRY!

HAPPY V.DAY TO ALL OUT THERE! :D

♥JEAN
*if all I need to do is to let you go, I would

JALOVESTYJ

2009-02-13T20:34:00.001+08:00

我的爱是一场梦

路上只有我一个人，背着手踱着。
这一片天地好像少了我，我也像遗弃了平常的自己，到了无人烟的世界里。
我想念；也不想念，想放弃；也不想放弃。
像今晚上，一个人在这苍茫的月下，忧郁地想着失败的恋情，便觉是个孤单的人。
雨声为我呐喊，雨水为我哭泣；而我且利用这源源不绝的雨水为我画上悲伤的轻敷。
我告诉我爱的人，“我们当朋友吧”。
我的心像裂成万片似的。
我像失了魂的鸟，心不在焉地唱着失恋之歌。
我爱他，但放不下他，因为他在我心里是一团熄不灭的火，永远的燃烧着，给我莫大的勇气。
我终于到了那个时候必须尝试放弃他，也得擦干为他掉下的眼泪。
仿佛到了生命的尾声，我的脸颊两旁是脉脉的雨水，摻到了，不能分辨我的泪水，而我却认为那是恰到了好处。

在欢笑声背后，有我独自一人蹲在黑暗角落里含泪的时候，有我在公园里徘徊寻找独处的夜晚，多么希望我什么都可以想，什么都可以不想。

对，没有错。

我爱他，但是他不爱我，所以这美丽的梦必须有个痛苦的结局，我也必须醒过来，回到孤独寡人的现实生活中，每天晚上继续编织我这挂心的梦。

SHITTY MAN

2009-02-08T13:17:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE HELL!?
there is this person called enegue who tagged at my other blog : "hi sucker. you suck. suck my ass"
and i said: "I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU lol"

aint him or her rubbishy?
SHUCKS!

2009's first update

2009-01-24T20:23:00.000+08:00

MY GOD 2009 IS SO DAMN BORING

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RACHEL!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
*happy belated b'day to you and i love you my dear sis! may you stay pretty forever! MUACKS*

I’ve no idea why but other than going home straight after school, I’ve got nothing else to do. The only days I enjoy the most is probably choir times (which is particularly compelling) and ‘Bestie Dates’. I've been anticipating towards the new year to meet my cousins and eat steamboats, not for the red packets that most of you would be hoping for. Anyway angbao money goes to my parents; except for the money they give us and the 'bonus' from Nicez Fashion.

Since the year started, I’ve been whining about my bad luck for having WEE for our physics teacher. Apparently i did not realise his good points until recently, when i discovered i could actually understand physics! HAHA lessons with Authur Kok had been a real pleasurable experience, but still I doubt that my poor English standards can be pushed up to an A1. Chemistry... i should say Nic Liu is a value added teacher, although i totally cant understand polymerisation condensation. No feelings towards Sabar because we merely had two to three lessons with her up till now. Sadly, I’ve been labelled as a traitor, simply because I think that Joel Teoh is better than blim as a teacher, but of course he isn’t as nice as blim! Aure Yeo is currently ‘depressed’ or should I say ‘stressed’ (he clearly shows it on his face) that we are not responding or underperforming during his lessons. I pity him a lot, but its not under my control that others are sleeping in his lessons. He decided to take on a new teaching method by showing us videos to spice up the learning atmosphere. It works but slows down our progress. Yay Benny is still as nice as any time of the day (except that he ignored me twice -.-). He instilled a new way of learning, which is ‘The learning objectives’. HAHA I doubt it will work la but I am certain that the ‘Speak for Marks’ system will definitely work, gaining endless supply of response from us! :D Jac Tan had a new teaching method too! A bio quiz every week (I support this idea simply because practice and revision makes perfection) on last year topics. But I wonder who was the stupid student who came up with the suggestion, not to give us slide show notes. CRAP! It’s hard to adapt to this ‘no notes for us to copy’ way of studying but no choice, it’s not our decision.

In this year, we have to spend time to adjust to the new teachers’ methods of teaching. I think it’s a WASTE OF TIME. Zzz whatever. I just hope that my effort will pay off at the end of this year. HAHA hopefully I can be like Maylynn and be able to see my name on the notice board when the GCE O-levels results are released. Speaking of that, I felt uncontrollably worried for my Chinese results that during the weekend, I dreamt that I got a B3 continuously for four times! It was a terrible nightmare, wasn’t it? In the end, I am glad to be able to heave a sigh of relief. :D Edmund got a A1! That’s double happiness in our family. I wish that Shirley’s results will become the third joy this year! HAHA one of the reasons why I am looking forward to CNY is to know about her results and hopefully, congratulate her! :D For your information, Edmund and Shirley are both my cousins. HAHA I hope next year it would be all joyous for me and Edmund! ZZZ my stomach churns whenever I think of the O-levels >.< let's not talk about it for the moment...

Oh a little update for myself on my life, I’ve been transferred. From the ‘TeohYi’ department to ‘Dennis’ department. My daily bonus (small talks with teohyi) is gone. HAHA nevermind. I can concentrate more at the front because I am sitting right in front of the teachers. HAHA just that I feel sorry towards TeohYi (I’m not telling the reason, there isn’t a need to know anyway). I’m now further away from JiaYu. SOBS but I agree with TeohYi’s logic, the further away you sit from your close friend, the more stories you can share every day, because what you experience in your seat is different from your friend. Haha sounds logical, right? xD

Chinese New Year celebrations was a total wreck. One minus point is the lack of the heavily anticipated NHI competition. NO MORE FUN LE. Zzz but the teachers’ performance and break dance were a breakthrough. HAHAS choir’s performance was a bit too dull, but I think all of us enjoyed the process (although ZiHui and I was damn stressed). All thanks to YiFeng that taught us the notes of the song, or else we might not be able to learn it up so quickly. And also Clarine! :D it was a very good experience for ZiHui, Yeshze, LingLi, Sherlynn and I as it was the first time we did such a thing. LOL super fun la! But I was feeling very upset after the performance. I could not understand why people’s faces looked so sunken upon seeing me. No explanation doubles confusion. Increased confusion infinites depression. AH what shit am I talking about? GORSH I am feeling so sad now and nothing of any sort can explain why. HAIX

I was stuck at my mum's shop for the rest of the day. Slept, ate, served, played, sang, chatted. I was still feeling emotional until evening came. We closed the shop early and zoomed home to celebrate my sister's birthday. We went to eat at Sakae Sushi and camwhored like nobody's business. The only thing we lacked last night was a complete family photo ): but it's alright! Back at home my sister was narrating her fun day where there were two suprises for her. Envy her man, got all the good friends at university and secondary school to buy a cake for her and celebrate with her. Hopefully I'd get such nice sweet stuffs when I get into university HAHA.

That’s it. HAPPY EARLY LUNAR 牛 YEAR!
JEAN